How It's Meant To Be
Let’s talk marriage, again, lol. I swear I cannot exhaust this subject, no matter how much I try. I was going over Genesis 1:28 with the saints the other day as we explored the subject of family. It’s impossible to talk about family without talking about marriage, because the way God designed it, family starts with marriage (not children).
I was listening to Jimmy Evans and he confirmed this truth when he explained how important it is for couples to put their marriage first. I know how wrong that may sound, and having not understood Scripture, I would have said Jimmy got it wrong, I’ve heard so many parents describe their children as their world. But he is absolutely right. He goes on to say that if you’ll put your children before your marriage, you won’t have a marriage after the children leave. He says children are temporary in the sense that they will eventually move out and build their own lives without you (and you should let them) but you’ll always be married to your spouse. True you’ll always be a parent to your children, but they will not always be dependent on you (they shouldn’t) and you shouldn’t be dependent on them either, but interdependency between you and your spouse is a life-long thing.
Anyway, what got me excited with verse 28 is the first two phrases.
“God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number…”
Notice that the blessing is for both individuals, male and female. Also notice how ‘fruitful’ is not synonymous with ‘increase in number’, they are two separate entities, differentiated by the ‘and’.
Being fruitful speaks of being effective, successful, having an impact, bringing about positive change to where you are placed. And this can only be achieved through finding and fulfilling the purpose of your existence. One can only live a meaningful life, making their mark, by using their God-given gifts and passion to fulfil their God-given purpose. Being successful has little to do with the material possessions that are in your name, but with how many lives you have impacted and changed for the better while you were busy doing that which God ordained you to do.
So this means each individual in a marriage exists for something (other than being a spouse to the other), each is called for something, and they ought to pursue it in order to be fruitful. For this reason, marriage should not swallow a person’s identity, individuality and calling. We’ve seen this to be the case mostly with women, who have sacrificed and surrendered who they are and what they are passionate about for their marriages. It’s a foreign ideology to me, and I believe God too, because I have no evidence of it in Scripture. Deborah was a married woman, a prophetess leading (working as a judge) Israel in Judges 4. We’re told that she held court under the Palm of Deborah in Ephraim and the Israelites came to her to have their disputes decided (verse 5). The noble wife of Proverbs 31 was passionate about business, she was into trading (verse 18) and we hear from her own husband’s lips how happy he was with their marriage (28).
I am in no way implying that marriage doesn’t require sacrifice. Because marriage is based on love and love is sacrificial, marriage calls for sacrifice from both parties, but the essence of who you are and what you’re here for shouldn’t be what’s put on the altar. We need to always remember that God and what he wants for us comes first, we are His first before we are anybody else’s.
In fact, the way God ordained it, marriage provides a support system in order that those in it be fruitful. Consider the family in Proverbs 31 again. The husband is respected at the city gate, his work place where he works as an elder judging the disputes of the people, because of the support and work of his wife. He also supports and encourages her with his words of praise. Marriage is therefore not a place where people are pulled down and discouraged from pursuing their calling, instead it’s where people are encouraged and built up through love (since love is not self-seeking nor envious).
I believe this is the reason why suitability or compatibility is an important factor in marriage (see Genesis 2:18). Being suitable for one another is not just about your personality and character, but it speaks to the calling of each as well. If our passions pull us in opposite directions it will eventually cause tension in our marriage, no matter how compatible our personalities are.
The second phrase of the blessing speaks about increasing in number, other versions speak of multiplying. This is one I need not elaborate on since it’s obvious that we got the memo, reproduction is one thing we have excelled in. But multiplying isn’t just about having babies, but it is about increasing God’s image and likeness on earth. We must remember that through us, God reproduced Himself, and he holds the same expectation with us and what we reproduce.
Personally, it’s interesting that multiplying comes second to being fruitful. We tend to place a lot of emphasis on couples to have children, and when they don’t due to infertility issues, they feel awkward and in the wrong because of how much emphasis we’ve placed on it. It’s comforting to see what God considers to come first.
Alright, that’s enough for one post. I hope this has brought light and understanding to you about the wonderful gift God has given us in marriage. Blessings!
I was listening to Jimmy Evans and he confirmed this truth when he explained how important it is for couples to put their marriage first. I know how wrong that may sound, and having not understood Scripture, I would have said Jimmy got it wrong, I’ve heard so many parents describe their children as their world. But he is absolutely right. He goes on to say that if you’ll put your children before your marriage, you won’t have a marriage after the children leave. He says children are temporary in the sense that they will eventually move out and build their own lives without you (and you should let them) but you’ll always be married to your spouse. True you’ll always be a parent to your children, but they will not always be dependent on you (they shouldn’t) and you shouldn’t be dependent on them either, but interdependency between you and your spouse is a life-long thing.
Anyway, what got me excited with verse 28 is the first two phrases.
“God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number…”
Notice that the blessing is for both individuals, male and female. Also notice how ‘fruitful’ is not synonymous with ‘increase in number’, they are two separate entities, differentiated by the ‘and’.
Being fruitful speaks of being effective, successful, having an impact, bringing about positive change to where you are placed. And this can only be achieved through finding and fulfilling the purpose of your existence. One can only live a meaningful life, making their mark, by using their God-given gifts and passion to fulfil their God-given purpose. Being successful has little to do with the material possessions that are in your name, but with how many lives you have impacted and changed for the better while you were busy doing that which God ordained you to do.
So this means each individual in a marriage exists for something (other than being a spouse to the other), each is called for something, and they ought to pursue it in order to be fruitful. For this reason, marriage should not swallow a person’s identity, individuality and calling. We’ve seen this to be the case mostly with women, who have sacrificed and surrendered who they are and what they are passionate about for their marriages. It’s a foreign ideology to me, and I believe God too, because I have no evidence of it in Scripture. Deborah was a married woman, a prophetess leading (working as a judge) Israel in Judges 4. We’re told that she held court under the Palm of Deborah in Ephraim and the Israelites came to her to have their disputes decided (verse 5). The noble wife of Proverbs 31 was passionate about business, she was into trading (verse 18) and we hear from her own husband’s lips how happy he was with their marriage (28).
I am in no way implying that marriage doesn’t require sacrifice. Because marriage is based on love and love is sacrificial, marriage calls for sacrifice from both parties, but the essence of who you are and what you’re here for shouldn’t be what’s put on the altar. We need to always remember that God and what he wants for us comes first, we are His first before we are anybody else’s.
In fact, the way God ordained it, marriage provides a support system in order that those in it be fruitful. Consider the family in Proverbs 31 again. The husband is respected at the city gate, his work place where he works as an elder judging the disputes of the people, because of the support and work of his wife. He also supports and encourages her with his words of praise. Marriage is therefore not a place where people are pulled down and discouraged from pursuing their calling, instead it’s where people are encouraged and built up through love (since love is not self-seeking nor envious).
I believe this is the reason why suitability or compatibility is an important factor in marriage (see Genesis 2:18). Being suitable for one another is not just about your personality and character, but it speaks to the calling of each as well. If our passions pull us in opposite directions it will eventually cause tension in our marriage, no matter how compatible our personalities are.
The second phrase of the blessing speaks about increasing in number, other versions speak of multiplying. This is one I need not elaborate on since it’s obvious that we got the memo, reproduction is one thing we have excelled in. But multiplying isn’t just about having babies, but it is about increasing God’s image and likeness on earth. We must remember that through us, God reproduced Himself, and he holds the same expectation with us and what we reproduce.
Personally, it’s interesting that multiplying comes second to being fruitful. We tend to place a lot of emphasis on couples to have children, and when they don’t due to infertility issues, they feel awkward and in the wrong because of how much emphasis we’ve placed on it. It’s comforting to see what God considers to come first.
Alright, that’s enough for one post. I hope this has brought light and understanding to you about the wonderful gift God has given us in marriage. Blessings!
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