Thoughts and Other Things

I'm an emotional person. Okay, maybe over-emotional at times (I blame it on the hormones, lol). I feel alot, I feel too much, I feel more than I should. Sometimes I feel so much that people can't relate or understand, and sometimes even I can't make sense of my emotions. Generally, we are discouraged from feeling, we are encouraged to be more logical than emotional, and I agree. As the saying goes, "follow your heart, but take your head with you." Where I don't agree is when one is made to feel weak and inferior because they feel (in a way that other people think is unnecessary). It is then comforting to see emotions all over the Bible, there's even an entire book only centered around crying. There are many Bible characters who felt "too much", and nope, they were not all women. Take Elijah for example, who felt too much fear. The great prophet who controlled the weather with his prayers, the one who called fire on water, the one who raised t...

I'm a runner. I left a university just after the first years' camp because it reminded me of High school, too Afrikaans. I left studying full time two years into my degree because I was no different from a part time student, and I hated living in a commune. I quit my honors degree because I felt my lecturer refused to understand me when I struggled with an assignment. I'm a runner. If something isn't working for me, I walk away. I don't do well with persevering, I hate and avoid conflict. If you want to fight with me you're going to fight alone, I prefer simply walking away, sometimes with no explanations even, because I stink at that too, explaining how I feel. But I'm learning in the most painful way that adulting isn't for runners. Adulting sits you down and grounds your itching feet, it tells you to get over your emotions and face a new day, it tells you about things you need to pay and a job you're supposed to do no matter how you feel about i...

Love. The anchor when storms do rage. The North Star when darkness falls on me. The life-line when the ground I stand on proves to be sinking sand. The sword which fights my battles, the one that slits the throat and stills the voice of my enemy; insecurity. Love. The loud, louder, loudest voice in my head out of the many that attempt to convince me that I'm finally loosing it. Love. The thread that holds me together when I'm falling apart; The glue that puts together the many broken pieces of me. Love. That carries me when I can no longer walk, That understands when words fail me to talk, That lends an ear when my thoughts I can no longer contain, That gives a hand when I can no longer stand. Love. I see you. In the silent stare of my father, In the soft touch of a mother, In the sweet gesture of a friend, And in the whispered words of my lover. I see you Love. Present in every minute of my life through the gifts you've blessed me with. And when they are gone, I'...