Thoughts and Other Things

They usually say one shouldn't open for him when he comes knocking because, well, he has nothing new to say. But he didn't come knocking you see, I bumped into him, right in the middle of a conversation, I met with Yesterday. But today was different. When my mind immediately told me to turn and run, to run and not look back; I did, but I had only ran one step when I suddenly stopped. 'For how long will you run?' a voice asked. 'As long as I have feet' I answered in a heart-beat. But I knew very well the essence of that question, and I hadn’t given a worthy answer. So I turned back. Today I met with Yesterday, and he still had the ability to make me cry. Yes, he no longer has a grip on me, but he still knows which buttons to push. He knows of my new status, made new in Christ, but still he brings with him gifts of tormenting memories that seek to lure me back and cause me to doubt the person that I am, the person I've been made into by the power of the Al

I was reading up on a Bible character I usually overlook because like her husband, I’m rather captivated by her sister. Leah. Her name means ‘wild cow’. Like on top of her eye problem, such a name though. I too would have huge insecurity problems if I were her. But they say her parents weren’t being cruel or anything, Rachel’s name means ‘ewe’, a female sheep. Must have been a trend those days to name your kid after an animal. But still I’d rather be named after a female sheep than a cow, a wild one nogal . Anyway, what attracted me to her was how alike we were, though it was hard to admit. Firstly, Leah had appearance issues which I don’t think would have been so much of an problem if her younger sister Rachel wasn’t so unnecessarily pretty. Look how the verse is written; the notion of comparison in the verse is probably a reflection of the comparison that existed between the two sisters in real life. “Leah’s eyes were weak and dull looking, but Rachel was beautiful and attractive.”

So…it’s September. Three months and a few days away from 2015. Sounds like a bad joke when I look back at the past months and the things I haven’t done, yet; and the things I’ve tried and failed at. It’s actually quite funny how life works. You can plan something to the dot, and when life happens, you will be so thrown off course you won’t even remember where the dot was in your plans. But I’m learning to just get used to that, to manage it, and to keep moving (emphasis on the ‘learning’). One thing I’m striving to hold on to is this thing of not giving up on what you want, no matter how much it may seem as though it doesn’t want you. It’s just a matter of time. Sometimes we want the right things but at the wrong time. What’s important is not to stop wanting it, no matter how long it takes to get to it.  ‘Cause if you stop wanting, you stop living, you just exist. ‘Cause living is about having something to look forward to, something to pursue, something to get up out of bed for. Lose