Insecurities
I was reading up on a Bible character I usually overlook because like her husband, I’m rather captivated by her sister. Leah. Her name means ‘wild cow’. Like on top of her eye problem, such a name though. I too would have huge insecurity problems if I were her. But they say her parents weren’t being cruel or anything, Rachel’s name means ‘ewe’, a female sheep. Must have been a trend those days to name your kid after an animal. But still I’d rather be named after a female sheep than a cow, a wild one nogal. Anyway, what attracted me to her was how alike we were, though it was hard to admit.
Firstly, Leah had appearance issues which I don’t think would have been so much of an problem if her younger sister Rachel wasn’t so unnecessarily pretty. Look how the verse is written; the notion of comparison in the verse is probably a reflection of the comparison that existed between the two sisters in real life.
“Leah’s eyes were weak and dull looking, but Rachel was beautiful and attractive.” Gen 29:17 [AMP]
This was bound to cause rivalry between the sisters.
Then she was given to marriage to a man that didn’t love her, a man that was tricked into marrying her, a man who loved her beautiful sister instead. Jacob probably didn’t make it known that he was in love with Rachel, seemingly the talks about marrying her were exclusively between himself and Laban. But love has a tendency of being hard to hide. In fact Jacob didn’t bother hiding it, he protested for the one he had intended to marry after realizing that he had been given Leah instead of Rachel. Imagine the rejection that Leah felt. “I’m not good enough” she possibly thought.
The Bible tells us that God saw that Leah was not loved and he opened her womb, while Rachel was left barren. This lead Leah to making a grave mistake, thinking she could earn the love of her husband, that she could please him with sons enough that he would love her.
“Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” Gen 29:32
In the few years I’ve lived on earth, I’ve learnt that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you can do to gain a person’s love. It’s either they love you or they don’t, but you can’t do anything to make them love you. But insecurities have the tendency to convince you that you can, if you can just help them overlook your weaknesses, then they can love you. But there is no greater lie. You can loose the weight, dress nicer and more expensive, do your make up every day, have your hair intact, speak well, control your emotions, you name it. You can do it all to be good enough, but if they didn’t love you at first, it will never be enough. That’s the fascinating thing about love. But what’s worse with God’s love is that we can’t only gain it, we can’t loose it either. We did nothing for him to love us, and we can do nothing to stop him from loving us. But Leah either didn’t know this, or she was in denial. So she pressed on.
“Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.” Gen 29:34
But then something dawned on her. She somehow woke up and realized that she would live one hell of an unfulfilling life if she lived to please man and gain his love, respect, honour etc. She moved her eyes from her husband and looked to God. And I believe that was the beginning of the process. Sure, she would still later on ‘buy’ time with her husband (Gen 30:16) but we see her getting up to a point where her and her sister agree on a matter (Gen 31:14); that’s why the women who blessed Ruth on the birth of her son referred her to Leah and Rachel.
She named her fourth son Judah, saying this time she would praise the Lord. Because ultimately, He’s the only person we should concern ourselves with pleasing. She stopped having kids after that as if God was saying “now you get it.”
We all struggle with insecurities in certain areas of our lives, but never take up the burden of pleasing people upon yourself, spending your time and energy striving to be good enough for them. If God is happy with you, that is enough. Now you be happy with you. People will follow suit, if they don’t, they shouldn’t be in your life any way.
Firstly, Leah had appearance issues which I don’t think would have been so much of an problem if her younger sister Rachel wasn’t so unnecessarily pretty. Look how the verse is written; the notion of comparison in the verse is probably a reflection of the comparison that existed between the two sisters in real life.
“Leah’s eyes were weak and dull looking, but Rachel was beautiful and attractive.” Gen 29:17 [AMP]
This was bound to cause rivalry between the sisters.
Then she was given to marriage to a man that didn’t love her, a man that was tricked into marrying her, a man who loved her beautiful sister instead. Jacob probably didn’t make it known that he was in love with Rachel, seemingly the talks about marrying her were exclusively between himself and Laban. But love has a tendency of being hard to hide. In fact Jacob didn’t bother hiding it, he protested for the one he had intended to marry after realizing that he had been given Leah instead of Rachel. Imagine the rejection that Leah felt. “I’m not good enough” she possibly thought.
The Bible tells us that God saw that Leah was not loved and he opened her womb, while Rachel was left barren. This lead Leah to making a grave mistake, thinking she could earn the love of her husband, that she could please him with sons enough that he would love her.
“Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” Gen 29:32
In the few years I’ve lived on earth, I’ve learnt that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that you can do to gain a person’s love. It’s either they love you or they don’t, but you can’t do anything to make them love you. But insecurities have the tendency to convince you that you can, if you can just help them overlook your weaknesses, then they can love you. But there is no greater lie. You can loose the weight, dress nicer and more expensive, do your make up every day, have your hair intact, speak well, control your emotions, you name it. You can do it all to be good enough, but if they didn’t love you at first, it will never be enough. That’s the fascinating thing about love. But what’s worse with God’s love is that we can’t only gain it, we can’t loose it either. We did nothing for him to love us, and we can do nothing to stop him from loving us. But Leah either didn’t know this, or she was in denial. So she pressed on.
“Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi.” Gen 29:34
But then something dawned on her. She somehow woke up and realized that she would live one hell of an unfulfilling life if she lived to please man and gain his love, respect, honour etc. She moved her eyes from her husband and looked to God. And I believe that was the beginning of the process. Sure, she would still later on ‘buy’ time with her husband (Gen 30:16) but we see her getting up to a point where her and her sister agree on a matter (Gen 31:14); that’s why the women who blessed Ruth on the birth of her son referred her to Leah and Rachel.
She named her fourth son Judah, saying this time she would praise the Lord. Because ultimately, He’s the only person we should concern ourselves with pleasing. She stopped having kids after that as if God was saying “now you get it.”
We all struggle with insecurities in certain areas of our lives, but never take up the burden of pleasing people upon yourself, spending your time and energy striving to be good enough for them. If God is happy with you, that is enough. Now you be happy with you. People will follow suit, if they don’t, they shouldn’t be in your life any way.
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