Thoughts and Other Things

I can have the worst episodes of crying spells (blame it on the hormones *rolls eyes*). In an effort to help myself quickly snap out of them, I try (emphasis on try) to reason with myself. I force myself to respond to the question of why it is I’m crying. You know, the whole get it at the root theory. In most cases I cry because I feel a certain way. Then we take the interrogation further by delving into why I feel that particular way. Being accountable for your feelings is not a nice exercise because the answers are never pretty. They usually point to selfishness or a bruised ego, an obsession with having things go my way or just plain pettiness (yes, I occasionally cry just because I saw the cutest baby romper *hides*). The most ‘reasonable’ answers are usually rooted in things I can’t control. One thing I’ve discovered about myself in this getting older business is that one of my greatest weakness is accepting that certain things are beyond my control (next to talking more than

A few days ago I came across a quote that shook me. “If you love the spotlight more than the secret place you’ll gravitate toward self-promotion and move ahead of God’s timing.” Lisa Bevere  (and for that reason if you get me anything for Christmas, get me her books). It shook me because I know my heart and its weakness of wanting to be seen and known. And it was this weakness that had me anticipating the release of my final year results. You see, every year we have this service during our Thanksgiving Convention where we motivate believers towards their educational/vocational goals and congratulate those who’ve achieved them. For the past two years, every time my list of qualifications (it’s a sentence really), they mentioned that I was in the process of doing my honours. This year would be different (or so I thought). They’d announce that I passed with flying colours and would graduate in Autumn. But my results weren’t out in time. I sulked and kept of waiting, checki

You know that song that goes ‘when Jesus says yes nobody can say no’? Have you ever thought of it the other way around? That when Jesus says no nobody can say yes? I doubt it because as Job implies, we are more accepting when God gives us the good we expect than we are of the trouble we pray away. If I’m going to walk with God and walk well, I must accept that, like any parent, sometimes He will say no. I also need to accept that his ‘no’ bares the same power and authority that his ‘yes’ does. That no matter how much I try to go against it, and how much backing I have from people, His ‘no’ will overrule everything and everyone. I studied the subject of discipline a few days ago and was reminded of a few things that I realized I had left along the way (causing much frustration in my spiritual walk). “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 3:11-12 The atti