It's In The Detail

A few days ago I came across a quote that shook me.

“If you love the spotlight more than the secret place you’ll gravitate toward self-promotion and move ahead of God’s timing.” Lisa Bevere (and for that reason if you get me anything for Christmas, get me her books).

It shook me because I know my heart and its weakness of wanting to be seen and known. And it was this weakness that had me anticipating the release of my final year results.

You see, every year we have this service during our Thanksgiving Convention where we motivate believers towards their educational/vocational goals and congratulate those who’ve achieved them. For the past two years, every time my list of qualifications (it’s a sentence really), they mentioned that I was in the process of doing my honours. This year would be different (or so I thought). They’d announce that I passed with flying colours and would graduate in Autumn. But my results weren’t out in time. I sulked and kept of waiting, checking my emails every half hour (even though they said they only uploaded the results overnight so checking once a day would do). This week when they announced that “most or all” results were out, I sent emails, I made phone calls, but in true UNISA fashion, no one cared to answer. 

Today was the final day of release and all the results are out. I woke up early in the morning, but didn’t check first thing, because in my heart of hearts, I knew mine still weren’t out. When I did check, I was not surprised but I was still disappointed. When I logged on twitter and saw them congratulating everyone, I panicked, they really were out. Where were mine? I sensed the tears were coming. I logged onto my emails, sent another one, to more addresses this time. I called all the relevant numbers (they remained true to their style). I logged on to my student portal, scrolled, clicked, scanned, scrolled and clicked some more. I cursed in my head, they messed up, again. They already made a mess of my Masters application, now this. 

As though someone was nudging me, I remembered something. I clicked on the exam timetable page. It seemed like a waste of time since it was results I wanted (they had said my portfolio results would come out with exam results.) I opened the timetable, didn’t scan this time, but carefully read through it. At the top of the page was the exam period: Jan/Feb 2019. I knew this. For the past two years I had written my exams in February. Then it hit me. My portfolio results would be released together with the exam results of this exam period! I remembered how I thought it was stupid of them to send me a timetable with this information because I wouldn’t be actually writing any exams. I recalled how I had assumed that I would get my results now in the December exam period because I submitted my portfolio in October and it was returned in November. 

All this frustration just because I missed a detail. I felt so stupid. It is then that I remembered the quote. I had moved ahead of God’s timing all because I wanted the spotlight. I felt ashamed. Thank goodness the Holy Spirit’s rebuke is gentle, inviting to repentance. So here I am, still waiting, but waiting freely, waiting purely, which is the right way to wait. We wait right when our intentions are pure and when we aren't oblivious of the details.

Abraham messed up his waiting because he missed a detail, that the son God promised him would come through Sarah his wife. When Sarai got frustrated, she suggested to Abram that they have a child through Hagar her maidservant. Abraham agrees and so Ishmael is born. God once again has a chat with Abraham about their deal, mentioning how Sarah would have a son. Abraham cries to God about Ishmael:

“And Abraham said to God, ‘If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!’ Then God said, ‘Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.” Genesis 17:18-19

Abraham wanted God to take Ishmael and do what he promised through him. I bet he assumed that all God cared about was a son from his loins, it didn’t really matter who he had the son through…But Abram missed a detail. God didn’t view him as an individual but as one unit composed of two persons since he was married. That's why when God called Abram to leave his family in order to follow him, he left his family, at some point even his favorite nephew, but Sarai never left his side, for they were one.

God says in Genesis 15:4 that “a son coming from your own body will be your heir” when Abram wanted to make a servant his heir since he has no son. Sure God is speaking of a Abram’s body literally, that the son born will be biologically his; but in His wisdom, God is also speaking about Sarai, who, figuratively, is Abram’s body (see Ephesians 5:28-29).

Missing this detail lead to a detour that would later break Abraham’s heart because he eventually had to send Ishmael away when Isaac was born.

I pray we hear God and hear him well when He speaks. That we will not scan through Scripture and rush to the part where we get blessed and all goes well with us. That we’ll not move ahead of God’s timing and find ourselves on platforms we are under-resourced to perform in. I pray His Spirit opens our eyes to all there is to see concerning what He wants to do so that we wait well, that we do well, because we heard well. 

"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 18:14