you waited - a poem on repentance

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You waited
Like a husband waiting for his adulterous wife, alone in the night, awaiting her return. Harassed and abused by thoughts of what she might be doing and with who. His heart beats with the rhythm of the clock’s hand and he wrestles with the idea of sleep because he knows she’ll return, this is where she calls home. She may find pleasure in other hands and hearts, but only he provides her the place of rest, he is her home.

And indeed I did return. But unlike him, you waited not with fists of anger and words of rage, you waited with a loving and forgiving heart. You asked me no questions, you knew I would lie. You didn’t accuse me of anything, my guilt was evident. I had prepared a few words on my way back, excuses and accusations, all exaggerations rooted in rebellion. But they all vanished when I met your eyes.

You said nothing, but I could read the pain and hurt you were harbouring in your heart. What could you possibly not give me that I would run out on you and look for it out there? What’s so great that when I asked for it you’d fail to provide? It couldn’t possibly be something or anything, with you all things are possible. And it couldn’t be an emotional need either, you are the spring of comfort, the well of understanding, the fountain of peace, love is who you are!

Reading your eyes, I wondered to myself, what on earth made me leave? I found no reason, none at all. I had everything in you, you were my everything. I couldn’t look at you any longer, tears ran to me at the realization of the pain I had caused you. I vowed in my heart to never be the cause of such pain again, never again. With fear, guilt, condemnation and a bunch of other not-so good emotions, I mumbled “I’m sorry”. It was so soft I doubted whether you’d heard me. I looked up and there were your arms open wide, your eyes ablaze with love. Love is all you gave, love is all you had left. Seeing those arms, I realized how pained I was myself. They had not loved me, they had torn my heart in pieces. Here stood true love, here stood you.

Today I know mercy and I know grace because you waited. Because you waited, I know love, because you waited, I know you.
Angelb                  

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