I didn't know what to title it, it's about relationships and stuff
A week ago I had the privilege of speaking to a group of matrics at their farewell event. It was so beautiful, had me thinking back to mine; shock of my life when I realized it was five years ago. Anyway, I had to put together a profile so that they’d introduce me before I spoke and as part of it I mentioned one major weakness and one strength of mine.
My weakness: time-keeping. If you know me, you’ll know that I’m almost always late for almost everything. I lost count keeping track of how many times I got called to the principal’s office for lateness during my schooling career. See, lateness is hereditary to me. My father is late for everything…work, church, doctors appointments, special events, name it. The man was late for his own wedding. I always tease him with that he’ll probably be late for his own funeral too. But anyway, all generational curses are broken through the blood of the Lamb, so I’m free; I’m just stuck in the process of fully exercising that freedom.
My strength: self-sufficiency. I can do a lot of stuff by myself, I blame it on being the only child for eight years. My parents worked strenuous shifts then and had a hard time finding a nanny who didn’t either steal my mom’s underwear or sell my clothes…so I spent a lot of time by myself. And when my sisters came along, I learnt how to take care of them too; I earned a salary off my youngest sister. I count it as a strength because it meant that I could get through a lot of tough situations by myself without complaining.
But I sat down and thought it over, it being a strength and all, because I’ve realized something about life the older I grow; you just can’t live it alone. This so-called strength of mine makes me hate dependency. I absolutely despise to have to depend on someone for something. But thing is, that’s just how life works, absolute independency is an illusion. You will always need people, no matter how many resources you acquire. Life is lived interdependently. You need people as much as they need you. And this is where relationships usually fail, when I believe that they need me more than I need them; when I view it as a weakness to need them. It is only natural to need people, and not only in a literal time of need, even for enjoyment purposes.
It is then a pity to be in relationship with people who do not realize just how much you need them just because you can do by yourself what they should be doing for you. My very wise (and deep, and pretty, and awesome) friend Sam said the other day: ‘People fail to understand that relationships are intentional. They do not work out by mistake.’
Relationships take effort and time. And thing is, the most beautiful part of it, is that you’re the one who’s going to reap from all that giving. That person you’re giving into is only going to be a better person for you. Be it your friend, parent, sibling, child or spouse. But when we have relationships that we just let be, we end up hurt and hurting others as well.
I love these verses in Ephesians 5 which summarize what I’m trying to say.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
Jesus loved and sacrificed for His Bride the Church to make her perfect, not for her or anyone else but Himself. This is the view we need to take in how we relate with those around us, that my input in their lives makes them a better person to me, helpful and useful to me in this life that refuses to be lived in isolation.
(All this while analyzing a single character trait, lol.)
My weakness: time-keeping. If you know me, you’ll know that I’m almost always late for almost everything. I lost count keeping track of how many times I got called to the principal’s office for lateness during my schooling career. See, lateness is hereditary to me. My father is late for everything…work, church, doctors appointments, special events, name it. The man was late for his own wedding. I always tease him with that he’ll probably be late for his own funeral too. But anyway, all generational curses are broken through the blood of the Lamb, so I’m free; I’m just stuck in the process of fully exercising that freedom.
My strength: self-sufficiency. I can do a lot of stuff by myself, I blame it on being the only child for eight years. My parents worked strenuous shifts then and had a hard time finding a nanny who didn’t either steal my mom’s underwear or sell my clothes…so I spent a lot of time by myself. And when my sisters came along, I learnt how to take care of them too; I earned a salary off my youngest sister. I count it as a strength because it meant that I could get through a lot of tough situations by myself without complaining.
But I sat down and thought it over, it being a strength and all, because I’ve realized something about life the older I grow; you just can’t live it alone. This so-called strength of mine makes me hate dependency. I absolutely despise to have to depend on someone for something. But thing is, that’s just how life works, absolute independency is an illusion. You will always need people, no matter how many resources you acquire. Life is lived interdependently. You need people as much as they need you. And this is where relationships usually fail, when I believe that they need me more than I need them; when I view it as a weakness to need them. It is only natural to need people, and not only in a literal time of need, even for enjoyment purposes.
It is then a pity to be in relationship with people who do not realize just how much you need them just because you can do by yourself what they should be doing for you. My very wise (and deep, and pretty, and awesome) friend Sam said the other day: ‘People fail to understand that relationships are intentional. They do not work out by mistake.’
Relationships take effort and time. And thing is, the most beautiful part of it, is that you’re the one who’s going to reap from all that giving. That person you’re giving into is only going to be a better person for you. Be it your friend, parent, sibling, child or spouse. But when we have relationships that we just let be, we end up hurt and hurting others as well.
I love these verses in Ephesians 5 which summarize what I’m trying to say.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.”
Jesus loved and sacrificed for His Bride the Church to make her perfect, not for her or anyone else but Himself. This is the view we need to take in how we relate with those around us, that my input in their lives makes them a better person to me, helpful and useful to me in this life that refuses to be lived in isolation.
(All this while analyzing a single character trait, lol.)
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