Pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen...or is it in pumps in the office?

A high school friend of mine was getting married last month and so I went over to see her before the big day. We had a lovely conversation with her while she was getting her hair and make-up done for one of the many ceremonies she had to participate in. The lady who was doing her hair jumped in our conversation at some point. She was a married mother in her mid thirties, giving us young ones some wise advice about things she’s learnt so far. Then she spoke about being a mom and a wife, something she said struck me.

She spoke about the guilt and pressure that the modern woman lives under. She was working when she got married and she stayed working when she had children. She soon found that things were complicated with kids, they needed more time and attention than a husband, and it was really a pain to her heart to be missing milestones because she wasn’t around when they happened. She said out of this guilt of not being able to really be there for her kids, she would lavish them with gifts and treats. Realizing that it just wasn’t working out, she quit her job to be a house wife and more present for her family. She thought all would be well now. But to her surprise, the guilt resurfaced, with a different face this time. Now she found that she was guilty of not being able to help her husband out financially as she did before. They had to slowly degrade a few things about their lifestyle in order to be comfortable financially. That broke her heart because it also affected her children. So what on earth are women supposed to do?

I’ve never thought of the Bible as one to support working mothers, well, because of the time it was written in and the way it has been preached as to support and encourage women staying away from work. So I too was quiet amazed when I read the famous Proverb of the Noble Wife and learnt a few principles to assist a working mother. Many verses in Proverbs 31 depict a woman who independently works inside and outside of her home but I will only focus on the verses that have these principles I mentioned.

“¹⁰Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. ¹¹She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”

The relationship of a working wife with her husband is vital. He has to be in agreement with and in support of her in her decision to work. And he has to understand that she doesn’t desire to work seeking independence from him, but it is actually out of her role as his helper, seeking to help him towards accomplishing the vision he has concerning his family. He has to get that her working doesn’t mean he is unable to provide for his family, it doesn’t make him any less of a man and he has to trust that his wife has his best intentions at heart, she doesn’t seek to bring him harm, only good. And her working is not only about her being a helper to him but also speaks of the purpose of her existence as one who is also made in the image of God with a purpose.

He has to have full confidence in her which means he has to trust her abilities, he has to believe in her and support her, understanding that doing that means she will be able to make sure that ‘he lacks nothing of value’ that is in her hands to give; such as comfort, encouragement, care and of course pleasure.

A man has to be strong in mind to ‘allow’ his wife to work and not be intimidated by it (even when she starts earning more than him). I like this woman’s husband, he was strong, so strong he did not interfere with her work out of fear. He allowed his wife to make decisions independently (see verse 16) trusting she had her priorities straight and knowing that her heart was in the right place. This reminds me of the husband in 2 Kings 4: 8-10 (read it quickly).

Another will say I’m missing the point, I’m focusing on the husband not the wife, I’m getting to her, but she is one with her husband and if things are to work out, they have to do this together.

“¹⁵She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.

¹⁸She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. ²¹When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

²⁷She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

The working wife has to understand that family comes first, she has to understand that they are one of the main reasons she works and if working no longer serves that purpose of their benefit, she’s missing the point. When you’re single, work is about you fulfilling the purpose of your existence and establishing yourself financially; when you marry, the latter changes. You no longer work for your own good alone, but you working serves your family as well. And you should at all times be careful to not neglect your duties because of work (and by duties I’m not referring to things like laundry and dishes. There’s nothing wrong with hiring a helping hand, women of old had maidservants too, even this noble wife (see verse 15). I’m talking about the home-management responsibilities of a wife and a mother).

Time management is therefore very important. This woman was the first one up in the morning and the last one to go to bed. This is the cost of having a family while you work and I really think we girls should be aware of such before jumping in.

I think I understand now why some career-driven women don’t want kids and why women who are in very high positions at work have challenges at home. It really is not an easy task pursuing both but it is also not impossible, with divine strength and wisdom, the modern woman can do all things through Christ who empowers her.