More Than Just A Title

I have a very wise bestie who once said something that I was reminded of yesterday. I was waiting in line to be called into the consultation room. The doctor read out my name and I stepped in. Once inside, he greeted warmly, “Good morning pastor”. It kinda bothered me, why didn’t he just use my first name like he did when he called me out? But ironically, I returned the greeting with “Good morning doctor”. It was weird, referring to each other by our titles as though they were all we were.

Back to my wise bestie. She once said she didn’t like people randomly calling me ‘pastor’ outside of the church setting (she only calls me ‘pastor mngani’ when we’re at church). I reasoned that I wasn’t only a pastor when I was within the four walls of the church, and besides, it’s just a manner of showing respect. She explained that she understood that, but that her concern was that that is all people would see me as, never as a person with a personality, with needs, with weaknesses, but a flawless woman of God up there on an imaginary pedestal. I heard her loud and clear.

I once had a conversation with someone who was so fascinated, and maybe a little obsessed, with the fact that I was a pastor. There was not a paragraph they finished without expressing their fascination. I felt like this was the only reason they wanted to be linked to me and that made me sad. Not because I didn’t like what I was, but because I knew there was so much to me than just that.

And it is for this reason that I’m starting to fall out of like with titles. I understand that, especially in our African culture, it is a means of showing respect and recognition (dare I call my father by his first name), but it has the tendency of hiding the true person, the whole person. Truth is, Kadeni (I pray he doesn’t read this) is not only my father, he’s a husband to my mom, a brother to his siblings, an asset to his employer, a helper to the community and so on and so forth. He’s many things to many people but one thing he doesn’t seize to be at any point, is a human being; with strengths, weaknesses and everything in between.

My pastor/boss/mentor, Daniel (he’s cool with being called by his first name, though I’ve never dared before), has forever been against people hiding behind titles. He’s always been against this: there’s this thing with us blacks that once someone has a kid we refer to them by their kid’s name. Like all my neighbours refer to my mom as ‘mamaGugu’. Those who don’t know me, do the second thing we blacks do, once someone is married to someone, we refer to them by their husband’s name, to them my mom is ‘mamuNdlovu’.

Again , I fully acknowledge that this a respectful manner of referring to her, but it should never be something she disappears behind. Because she never stops being Zandile (goodness I’m trying my luck today), she didn’t stop when she had me, never stopped when she married dad. She’ll always be Zandile, Gugu’s mom, yes, but Zandile, Kadeni’s wife, yes, but still Zandile.

This is why I find people who introduce and call themselves by their titles to be strange, if not totally creepy. And it is so unfortunate that it happens mostly with my fellow colleagues. I don’t think there is a field out there with people so obsessed with titles like us. Our personal Facebook accounts read ‘Apostle so and so’. Neh man, that’s not how it’s supposed to work.

Titles are an instrument for others to use in order to show recognition and respect, never to hide behind. I only pray that they too are never blinded by the title, that beyond recognizing and respecting me, they see me, and all of me.