Lean
This journey with God is one for the books (and blogs). You will think you know it all and something happens to remind you that at no point of your life can you do without Him.
I sat with an assignment for a whole two weeks. I had written nothing but the question on my answering script, and not a word of the 5000 word essay I was supposed to submit. The more the days went, the more frustrated I became. I couldn’t understand why the material I was provided with didn’t give any answers to the questions I was asked. I read and re-read the articles and book extracts. Nothing. For two weeks. I was five-to calling the lecturer when things took a turn.
I had again tried looking into it all afternoon, at some point taking a break and trying to sleep, then getting back to it, still nothing. I then did something I am still in awe of myself for not having done all along. I whispered out a cry: “God, help me”. I didn’t put much thought into it until I was scrolling through an article and saw the key words of the assignment. I checked the file, I had opened it recently but I didn’t see this information, it was right at the end. I had gotten to the middle and concluded that there was nothing for me there. I opened another file, and another one, keywords flashing before my eyes. I paused, smiled and shook my head. That was all I had to do? Really? After all that trouble.
Now it was on, I was paging (well, clicking) like a maniac, relieved and amazed all at the same time. Passing by a page of the module manual, my eyes caught the attention of two words. “Prescribed Book”. Say what? There’s a prescribed book? No wonder I felt the information I had was insufficient considering the marks the assignment was for. Again, I was left amazed. I felt like momma Hagar after having cried to God, seeing a well of water in the midst of a dessert. The well was there but she couldn't see it, not in her own strengh. I then remembered that this was not the first time God did me like this. With the past round of assignments, out of all the assignments, I received the highest mark for an assignment I wrote last minute at my lowest point because I was so sick. I cried the day those results came in because I knew that it was not my strength that had accomplished that.
That whole experience and the recent one reminded me of a verse I love and know so well but wasn’t really doing so well until now… “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5. This verse reversely defines trusting God as leaning, relying, depending on Him instead of yourself. You see, we fool ourselves so easily when we consider our abilities, capabilities, past experience and achievements. We begin to overrate ourselves. And when we do that, we forfeit God’s help which can make anything we do way better than we could have done it ourselves. We even struggle alone when there’s no need because we are so obsessed with how we can do it. Like a child forcing to feed themselves (and failing) when mom is right there willing to help, we plunge through things alone when the Father is right there watching.
I am reminded today that I don’t have to go through anything alone, I don’t care how big or small it is. I have a God I can call on at any time of day, in the midst of any situation, with the smallest voice, with the least words, and He’ll still hear. The key is to want Him to be there, and not only when I’m in trouble, but in all my ways as the next verse will say. I might have a great and marvellous God who is able to do all things, but until I put my complete trust in Him, it is of little good to me. I will continue and live a mediocre life instead of the life in abundance I’m called to. All I have to do is lean. No fuss, no stress, just lean. No worry, no anxiety, just lean. He won’t let me go.
I sat with an assignment for a whole two weeks. I had written nothing but the question on my answering script, and not a word of the 5000 word essay I was supposed to submit. The more the days went, the more frustrated I became. I couldn’t understand why the material I was provided with didn’t give any answers to the questions I was asked. I read and re-read the articles and book extracts. Nothing. For two weeks. I was five-to calling the lecturer when things took a turn.
I had again tried looking into it all afternoon, at some point taking a break and trying to sleep, then getting back to it, still nothing. I then did something I am still in awe of myself for not having done all along. I whispered out a cry: “God, help me”. I didn’t put much thought into it until I was scrolling through an article and saw the key words of the assignment. I checked the file, I had opened it recently but I didn’t see this information, it was right at the end. I had gotten to the middle and concluded that there was nothing for me there. I opened another file, and another one, keywords flashing before my eyes. I paused, smiled and shook my head. That was all I had to do? Really? After all that trouble.
Now it was on, I was paging (well, clicking) like a maniac, relieved and amazed all at the same time. Passing by a page of the module manual, my eyes caught the attention of two words. “Prescribed Book”. Say what? There’s a prescribed book? No wonder I felt the information I had was insufficient considering the marks the assignment was for. Again, I was left amazed. I felt like momma Hagar after having cried to God, seeing a well of water in the midst of a dessert. The well was there but she couldn't see it, not in her own strengh. I then remembered that this was not the first time God did me like this. With the past round of assignments, out of all the assignments, I received the highest mark for an assignment I wrote last minute at my lowest point because I was so sick. I cried the day those results came in because I knew that it was not my strength that had accomplished that.
That whole experience and the recent one reminded me of a verse I love and know so well but wasn’t really doing so well until now… “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” Proverbs 3:5. This verse reversely defines trusting God as leaning, relying, depending on Him instead of yourself. You see, we fool ourselves so easily when we consider our abilities, capabilities, past experience and achievements. We begin to overrate ourselves. And when we do that, we forfeit God’s help which can make anything we do way better than we could have done it ourselves. We even struggle alone when there’s no need because we are so obsessed with how we can do it. Like a child forcing to feed themselves (and failing) when mom is right there willing to help, we plunge through things alone when the Father is right there watching.
I am reminded today that I don’t have to go through anything alone, I don’t care how big or small it is. I have a God I can call on at any time of day, in the midst of any situation, with the smallest voice, with the least words, and He’ll still hear. The key is to want Him to be there, and not only when I’m in trouble, but in all my ways as the next verse will say. I might have a great and marvellous God who is able to do all things, but until I put my complete trust in Him, it is of little good to me. I will continue and live a mediocre life instead of the life in abundance I’m called to. All I have to do is lean. No fuss, no stress, just lean. No worry, no anxiety, just lean. He won’t let me go.
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