Why?

Juggling work, school and home is not for the weak fam.  I thought I had it all together but the marks proved me otherwise. I’m still learning to balance, prioritize and budget my time. But I realized that as hectic as it can get, it doesn’t get completely overwhelming because I enjoy what I do and study. So yay to pursuing your passion.

An assignment got me thinking. I had to write an essay about the assumptions of two different research approaches. I was bothered by the word ‘assumption’. Why not facts, because assumptions are things accepted as true but without any actual proof. If we are being scientific and theological and scholarly and stuff, shouldn’t we work with facts rather? I realized that there were a lot of assumptions going around on a daily basis, and as much as the assumptions in my assignment were quiet harmless, assumptions in daily life can cause havoc.

Last night my mom went to bed on peanut butter and bread. I only find out today when I told her to eat last night’s left overs while I was preparing tonight’s supper.

‘What left overs?’ I actually thought she was joking.

I cook and leave them to dish up for themselves while I’m at church so I didn’t suspect anything when I got back and dished up for myself.

‘But why cause the pots with the food were right there on the stove?’

She said she assumed the pot still had the porridge it had the previous day so she didn’t bother looking.

‘Hawu’ was all I could say. I had emptied and washed the pot and reused it to make yesterday’s supper.

She suffered unnecessarily, all because she assumed.

One of the lessons adulting has taught me is that it’s necessary to question everything, to not think you know but to make sure you do. And to not think that others know either, but to be certain they do. You know those arguments we get in with our friends because we assumed they knew how we felt about something? Or even worse being in any kind of relationship assuming that you’re in it on the same terms but only to find out you were completely off track? I used to accuse people of being inconsiderate, of not thinking how what they said and did affected me, until I realized that I had never communicated my feelings and was doing so much damage to the relationships when I acted up because they were supposed to know.

Gosh where do we even get off thinking people ‘should know’? If I have never said it, they have no way of knowing it. We are people of different personalities, backgrounds, upbringing and perspectives, there is no way that we will look at one thing and see it the same. So communicate. Birthdays are a big deal to you? Say it. Don’t just go out of your way with other people’s birthdays and shut everyone out when they forget or don’t do anything on yours. Don’t really like going out? Tell them so they’ll stop inviting you out. Don’t be a bum about it of course (forgive my language), but in the kindest way possible, let others be aware of how you process things, they cannot (thank God) read your mind.

We had our Kids Camp last week and it was filled with so much learning, playing, praying and just loving God and each other. Our curriculum theme had something to do with cars this year and one of the lessons taught during the year was a lesson on the function and importance of indicator lights. It was said that indicators indicate (duh) your intentions. They communicate with those around you what’s going on and what you’re planning. If you’re in a crisis (hazards), if you’re stopping (breaks), reversing or turning. They avoid collisions because others around you know how to act based on your indication.

So you are responsible to make your intentions, thoughts and feelings known. And it’s also your responsibility to make sure you know other’s intentions. Sure nobody likes their intentions being questioned, but it’s necessary. I’ve heard of ladies who have stuck with a man assuming he’d marry her just because he said he loved her. Ca sesi, question everything, and if they fail you by indicating wrong, shame on them.

It’s in communicating our intentions that we’ll avoid doing things for the wrong reasons. It’s so harmful to do things trying to impress others or trying to make them feel envious, no matter how good it is you’re doing. I watched a show yesterday in which a lady went on a ‘revenge diet’ so she could attend her ex’s wedding. There is nothing wrong with her losing weight, absolutely nothing wrong with looking her best but there’s everything wrong with her doing it for someone else.

Our intentions matter so much, they are the true weight of our actions. Besides, I won’t find pleasure in what I’m doing unless it’s acknowledged by the person I was actually doing it for. And life is too short to live it waiting on people in order to be happy.

So it’s not enough knowing what you want, know why you want it, and communicate it so you’ll keep the right people in your life who’ll drive you towards it. Guess what? Motives and intentions even matter to God.

“You desire but you do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures” James 4:2-3.

So, why do you want what you want?