Uncertainty

I finished my first book for the year this morning. Yeah, I know, a little behind schedule. I’ve read Karen Kingsbury before and the theme of this book, Even Now, seemed similar to the one I read before but I went ahead and read it, and I’m glad I did. A tale of lost love is always a gripping tale, but one thing in particular caught my attention in this story, the way in which the parents made a terrible decision concerning their children, complicating their lives in the most extreme way.

The teenage girl in the story falls pregnant at seventeen by her highschool sweetheart, a year before their senior year. Out of aims of salvaging their future, the parents want the baby given up for adoption. When the kids refuse to budge, they feel they have no other choice than to separate them, so the boys family moves away. The girl resents her parents for their part in the plan, and when she thinks her baby is dead, she leaves home to go find her lover. But the baby didn’t die. She lived to be raised by her grandparents who looked but never found her, while she also never found her lover. Both sets of parents lived to witness the pain they had caused, one’s granddaughter growing up without her parents and the other watching their son, successful, yet unable settle with someone other than his first love. The role faith plays in the tale is also very beautiful, especially in the much necessary reconciliation of all parties involved.

The parents tried to protect their kids the best way they could, but it was not the best way. Their mistake had horrifying implications and it only took to live through it to realize it. It brought me much depth in understanding the responsibility that comes with parenting, especially with a first child.

In recent years, it’s been interesting to observe my parents learning to parent an adult child. I don’t think they thought I’d stick around this long, lol. For one, conversations are more revealing and more honest. One emotion I’ve read in our conversations that I hadn’t before was their fear and doubt. Like every child, I always figured my parents knew and understood everything and therefore had nothing to fear, especially dad with his service gun. But it isn’t the case, because as much as it’s my experience of adulting, it’s their first time guiding an adult, well one who is so closely attached to them anyway. I have to say I love this version of them better, I have a profound respect (and reverent fear) for them, but I love seeing that they too have things they aren’t sure of, it makes it easy to approach them with my own uncertainties.

There’s something my mentor says without shame that is one of the many things I admire about him. He always admits misjudgements he made when he first began in ministry, misjudgements he made out of ignorance. It’s mostly stuff about loving the injured sheep of the flock back to life instead of adding insult to injury. I’ve seen him first-hand leaving the hundred and following the one, a touching portrayal of The good shepherd. There’s something else he likes saying, that people assume, that just because you’re the leader, you always know what to do. It isn’t the case. I know those super spiritual Christians would say ‘you can’t not know, not when you have the Spirit of the omniscient God within you’. Well, in my opinion, the reason why we even pray about things is because we don’t know.

I love how the prophet Ezekiel responds when he is challenged beyond his knowledge in the popular chapter 37.
“He asked me, ‘Son of man, can these bones live?’ I said, ‘O Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” (verse 3)
Ezekiel’s answer was a smart way of saying he didn’t know. And how could he, he was no pathologist. But his answer expresses wisdom, knowing enough that God knew.

Being a leader in whichever capacity doesn’t make you an exception to the baffling circumstances and questions that life will at times throw at us. We are most likely to make mistakes, especially when we don’t seek or go against God’s counsel, but doing so doesn’t make you any less of a leader. Don’t forget to remind those you lead that you are like them, but most importantly, never forget to apologise when you realize your mistake. Acknowledging fault is no sign of weakness, in fact, relationships are better sustained when we do.

“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.” Ziad K Abdelnour