Nelson & Winnie: Autopsy of a Love Story

I am a sucker for love stories and I mourn tragic endings . Of all the photos of recently deceased Winifred Nomzamo Madikizela-Mandela that are being shared, none get to me like the ones in which she is together with her late ex-husband and former president of the republic of South Africa, Nelson Mandela. Seeing them, and reading the letters they wrote one another, one cannot doubt that they were deeply in love. (I can't believe it took her death for me to want to know what really happened)

They were married the year my father was born, in 1958. Only five years later, Nelson was sentenced to life in prison. It would be twenty seven years before he was released. It would only be two years before they were separated and four years later officially divorced on grounds of irreconcilable differences.

Reading the different versions of this love story, I found a few red flags that contributed to its sad ending.
Firstly, I think it matters the foundation a relationship is founded on. Nelson was married when he met Winnie and eventually divorced his first wife in order to be with Winnie. There’s something at fault when my love for another brings hurt to others. I can’t expect eternal happiness when my relationship stands on the tears of others. I don’t believe in karma, but I do believe in the principle of sowing and reaping (see Galatians 6:7).

Words from a letter Nelson wrote to Winnie while in prison

Secondly, it is said Winnie didn’t really live together with Nelson once married because of how busy he was with his political career and seeing how he went underground soon after their marriage. She has said “I only had time to love him and long for him all the time” and also “even at that stage, life with him was a life without him.” Time spent together is a must for the survival of any relationship. When time is more devoted to another course, the relationship will be severed, and ultimately sacrificed. We hate to admit it, but the way marriage is set up, the way God ordained it, it should introduce a change in priorities if it is to be successful. If it wasn’t so, Genesis 2:24 wouldn’t be in the Bible.

Winnie after reading her first letter from Nelson who was in prison at the time

Then there’s the obvious fact of the toll his time spent in prison took on their relationship. They slowly grew apart. As we’ve learnt with all the information passed around this week, Winnie was a freedom fighter in her own right and she endured much persecution in the hands of the white man. Going through that, alone, affected the relationship. They ultimately had differing beliefs, Winnie’s approach to the fight for freedom was more violent while Nelson’s was more peaceful and forgiving. According to Goerge Bizos, ‘he called for reconciliation but she advocated the continuation of the armed struggle.’
Different beliefs cause a great drift in a relationship. I believe that’s why Paul allowed a couple to part ways when one was a Christian and another not and they couldn’t reach agreement because of the one’s faith (see 1 Corinthians 7:15). Amos 3:3 establishes that two cannot walk together unless they are in agreement. There are fundamental things a couple needs to have common belief in if they are to successfully walk together in love. In my books, it’s most important that you believe in the same God and have the same understanding of him, this will result in upholding the same values and standards in all areas of life. Systems of belief when it comes to purpose, finances, childrearing, politics and so forth will be guided by this key belief.

It wasn’t so easing picking up where they left off. In a way, Winnie had moved on. Bizzos claims that Nelson “had never expected Winnie to be celibate while he was in prison, only that she be discreet. He couldn’t accept that the relationship [with young lawyer Dali Mpofu] continued so openly after his release.” It seems really understanding of him to have said that, but the heart just doesn’t work that way. The idea of ‘no strings attached’ is a myth…strings get attached and get so tangled up they become an entangling snare. Nelson learnt this once he was home and didn’t share a bed with his wife the whole time. During the divorce proceedings he claims after returning home, he was the loneliest man.
It goes without saying that I don’t believe in the so called ‘open-relationship’. Hebrews 13:4 is so strict on how ‘marriage should be honoured by all and how the marriage bed should be kept pure’ and if you know anything about God, you’ll know that it is our hearts he seeks to protect with the instructions he gives us. I’m in no way saying a relationship cannot survive infidelity, but I am saying it leaves a significant mark on the relationship.

It cannot be denied that their love for one another was the stuff novels are made of, but love is just the beginning of any love story, it is the foundation. Marriage calls for other bricks to be laid onto that foundation if the house is to stand strong through the storms of life.

Sources: Odyssey to Freedom by George Bizos, Knowing Mandela by John Carlin, Winnie Mandela: A life by Anne Marie du Preez Bezdrob. (Pictures: Internet)