Don't Delay to Forgive
I hit the ground running into 2020 hence this being my first
post for the year. There’s so much I could share about but I’m sure you’re as
busy so I don’t want to overwhelm you. So I’ll tell you about how I’ve had to
deal with hurt first thing in January (great way to start a year isn’t it?)
Living and working with people has its pro’s but it definitely
also has its cons. One of the cons is how irresponsible people can be with your
heart. I was so hurt to find out lies that had been spread about me and the
fool I had been helping people who were throwing it back in my face. I didn’t
really want to process how all this made me feel so I just harbored the hurt and
pretended all was well while I delayed dealing with it.
That’s one of the worst things about me – I hardly ever
speak up when I’ve been hurt. I avoid confrontation like a virus so I just sit on my
emotions when I’m hurt. This usually results in becoming more hurt because
people aren’t aware that they’re hurting me. Anyway, I came to the realization
that I had to deal with the hurt sooner rather than later when nursing my
emotions led me to having really negative thoughts about the people who hurt
me. I had to make a decision to either forgive and heal, or to delay forgiving
and become bitter.
Forgiveness is curative – it heals. But failure to forgive
turns the victim into the perpetrator. In Joyce Meyer’s words, hurt people hurt
other people. I saw this clearly through Absalom. Absalom was deeply hurt when his
sister, Tamar, was raped by their half-sibling, Amnon. From the things Absalom
said and did for Tamar, you can tell he really loved and cared for his sister. He
even named his only daughter after her. So when she was hurt, he hurt too.
“Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.” 2 Samuel 13:22
Silence is never a good response to hurt. Silence does not
allow you to process. Sometimes it’s not even about saying something to the person
who caused the hurt, but about speaking about the hurt itself. Absalom didn’t allow himself to process his
feelings. He kept the pain raw, and so it produced hatred which turned him into
a murder. After two years, he acted on his feelings, he plotted Amnon’s
death.
“Absalom ordered his men, ‘Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ‘Strike Amnon down,’ then kill him. Don’t be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and brave.” 2 Samuel 13:28
He was bound to do something of this nature because we’re
bound to act on how we feel if we don’t deal with it. We won’t forgive because
time has passed, but we’ll only forgive because we chose to surrender how we feel
for what God says. We’ll forgive when we understand that nothing we do can undo
any of what happened. Revenge doesn’t change anything, so it’s not really worth
it. Instead revenge makes things worse.
What Absalom did disrupted his entire life. He had to flee and
abandon the life he knew. This included leaving his dear sister whom he lived
with behind. His relationship with his father was also greatly affected. This
is what happens when we choose not to forgive, we become destructive. We start
ruining our own lives, way past what others had don trying to ruin it.
I won’t lie, somethings are really hard to get over.
Somethings you just never forget. But for our own sake, we choose to move on,
not in our own strength, but leaning on God to help us do what only He can really
do. And also to do it at his pace.
It makes me weak how Jesus forgives those
who nailed him to the cross while still on the cross! Like I would have waited
till they saw me 3 days later in all my glory. I would have waited for them to
atleast feel a little regret, a little shame. Not Jesus, he forgave them while
the sting of the pain they caused him still ran through his body. So, we don’t
even wait to feel better, we forgive first then wait for our feelings to
follow.
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