Despised in my Own Eyes

While getting ready for our youth service last week, I was pondering on a very popular ‘youth Scripture’: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young” (1 Timothy 4:12). Being active in ministry from a young age, I know and have lived by this verse. Being young and female in leadership, I am familiar with what is to be undermined and I know what it is to strive to ensure it doesn’t happen. But God’s Word being God’s Word, it never seizes to surprise with ‘newness’.

Reading this text this time around, God impressed on my heart that while some of us are quick to make sure that no one looks down on us, we are blinded to how we look down on ourselves - we are despised in our own eyes. I had been learning abit about how the fall into sin impacted our sight and I got drawn back to it while exploring this understanding. Sin literally changed the way we see, not just the world, but ourselves.

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.” Genesis 3:7 

We know that before sin, there were no negative feelings concerning how we saw ourselves – we felt unashamed of our nakedness (Genesis 2:25) - but after falling into sin, being naked had a new meaning and we perceived ourselves differently. We saw ourselves as somewhat insufficient – in need of something to make up for/cover our lack. So, we used external objects, put them together to conceal our lack. And so, we live our lives, seemingly having it all together until…well, until we have to behave like people who have it all together. 

“We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.” Numbers 13:33

The Israelites here were at a very crucial point in their lives. This was the point where they got to step into what God had been promising them all along, but instead of embracing it, they were interrupted by their perception of themselves. The way they perceived themselves wouldn’t let them do what they had to do to get what was rightfully theirs. They saw themselves as less – so weak and incapable that they likened themselves to insects!

It interested me that despising themselves lead them to assuming that everyone else did too. This points to how we are bound to project our self-image on others. This makes self-image so important because it not only determines how you respond to challenges, but it also affects how we relate with others. Our self-image will dictate how we expect others to treat us – we will accept certain behavior because we would believe that it is befitting. Because they saw themselves as grasshoppers and assumed the Nephilim saw them the same, they expected the Nephilim to defeat them in battle. They literally cried out: “we can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are” (Numbers 13:31). If you’re in the habit of ‘seeing yourself wrong’, you’ll disqualify yourself before the battle even begins. But if you chose to see yourself right – the way God sees you, well then, you’ll be like David.

“Meanwhile, the Philistine, with his shield bearer in front of him, kept coming closer to David. He looked David over and saw that he was only a boy, ruddy and handsome, and he despised him. He said to David, ‘Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks’…” 1 Samuel 17:41-43

When we see ourselves right, when we understand that it’s not just about what we have or what we are but about who we are and who we are in relationship with, it will be easy to ensure that no one else looks down us. When Goliath keeps coming closer, we’re not going to shrink back, when he insults us, we wont retreat. We’ll just keep coming because we see ourselves, not as small boys, but as bear-slayers and lion-killers. We’ll dismiss the voice of fear and his friend insecurity when it whispers elaborate lies into our ears; we'll refute the speech that Mr Imposter Syndrome recites as he works overtime to convince us that we are not good enough.

So yes, don’t let anyone despise you but also be careful that you are not despised in your own eyes.

"The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." Judges 6:12