Listening
So I'm back at it with the books, majoring in a subject I never thought I'd delve into because, well, I'm not really a people's person in that way. I never really know what to say when someone is in desperate need of advice, the pressure I feel always causes me to second-guess myself. But I'm strongly persuaded that this is the direction I ought to take, regardless of my fears and insecurities.
In fact, I think I understand why I quit the first time around, I lacked a sense of direction. I was furthering my studies because it was the sensible thing to do, hence I was quick to be overwhelmed because even the modules I was taking made me feel confused. I'm actually glad I quit, I would have wasted precious time and money pursuing something I wasn't certain of, and that probably wouldn't be useful when I got to where I'm going.
So far I'm finding my material quiet intriguing and challenging at the same time. I'm learning and realizing mistakes I make that create the difficulty I face when it comes to counseling. Dealing with the characteristics of counseling, Rev. Dr. Emmanuel Lartey handles 'listening' as his first. It is this quote he used that got to me the most. These are words spoken by German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer who was killed for his opposition to Hitler:
"It is his work we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him. Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking where they should be listening... In the end there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious words."
I immediately thought of many conversations I've had with other Christians. Little did I listen, more did I speak because I thought that was what they were looking for, an opinion, when what some really wanted was an ear.
The Rev goes on to say that listening requires deep inner security and strength. Again, I saw a reflection of myself. It was out of fear, pressure and insecurity that I spoke when most approached me. I felt the pressure to say something to prove my spiritual competency, I felt I needed to live up to my position, I had to prove a point. Beth (the one who's book I'm still reading *hides*) would see insecurity red flags popping in every direction if she were to hear me.
What's there to be insecure about, you ask. Well the obvious factor is my age. I feel comfortable when conversing with someone younger than me or pretty much in the same age range as I am. But the moment a wife and mother in her fifties approaches me, the pressure mounts, I immediately feel invisible beads of sweat on my forehead. It's crazy because I'm so in-my-element when I'm teaching about child-rearing and marriage-related issues up on the pulpit. Anyway, it's an area I'm yet to find security in.
With all this 'listening' talk, I remembered a popular verse that I obviously was not implementing enough in my life; James 1:19.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,"
Rereading this, I noticed the subject of this instruction; 'everyone'. No one is above listening, no matter how much they know and how good they are at telling it.
Being quick means being alert, ready, lively. Being quick to listen therefore means seeking out and grabbing all 'listening opportunities' that come your way. The reason why speaking is mentioned next is because it is one of the major obstacles to listening, hence I should be slow, delaying to speak.
This all sounds rather simple, maybe even too simple to write about, but it was like I was hearing it for the first time. Joyce Meyer always says there's a reason why God gave us one mouth and two ears, I'm gonna remind myself just that in my conversations from now onwards. I advice (haha) that you you try it too.
In fact, I think I understand why I quit the first time around, I lacked a sense of direction. I was furthering my studies because it was the sensible thing to do, hence I was quick to be overwhelmed because even the modules I was taking made me feel confused. I'm actually glad I quit, I would have wasted precious time and money pursuing something I wasn't certain of, and that probably wouldn't be useful when I got to where I'm going.
So far I'm finding my material quiet intriguing and challenging at the same time. I'm learning and realizing mistakes I make that create the difficulty I face when it comes to counseling. Dealing with the characteristics of counseling, Rev. Dr. Emmanuel Lartey handles 'listening' as his first. It is this quote he used that got to me the most. These are words spoken by German theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer who was killed for his opposition to Hitler:
"It is his work we do for our brother when we learn to listen to him. Christians, especially ministers, so often think they must always contribute something when they are in the company of others, that this is the one service they have to render. They forget that listening can be a greater service than speaking. Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking where they should be listening... In the end there is nothing left but spiritual chatter and clerical condescension arrayed in pious words."
I immediately thought of many conversations I've had with other Christians. Little did I listen, more did I speak because I thought that was what they were looking for, an opinion, when what some really wanted was an ear.
The Rev goes on to say that listening requires deep inner security and strength. Again, I saw a reflection of myself. It was out of fear, pressure and insecurity that I spoke when most approached me. I felt the pressure to say something to prove my spiritual competency, I felt I needed to live up to my position, I had to prove a point. Beth (the one who's book I'm still reading *hides*) would see insecurity red flags popping in every direction if she were to hear me.
What's there to be insecure about, you ask. Well the obvious factor is my age. I feel comfortable when conversing with someone younger than me or pretty much in the same age range as I am. But the moment a wife and mother in her fifties approaches me, the pressure mounts, I immediately feel invisible beads of sweat on my forehead. It's crazy because I'm so in-my-element when I'm teaching about child-rearing and marriage-related issues up on the pulpit. Anyway, it's an area I'm yet to find security in.
With all this 'listening' talk, I remembered a popular verse that I obviously was not implementing enough in my life; James 1:19.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,"
Rereading this, I noticed the subject of this instruction; 'everyone'. No one is above listening, no matter how much they know and how good they are at telling it.
Being quick means being alert, ready, lively. Being quick to listen therefore means seeking out and grabbing all 'listening opportunities' that come your way. The reason why speaking is mentioned next is because it is one of the major obstacles to listening, hence I should be slow, delaying to speak.
This all sounds rather simple, maybe even too simple to write about, but it was like I was hearing it for the first time. Joyce Meyer always says there's a reason why God gave us one mouth and two ears, I'm gonna remind myself just that in my conversations from now onwards. I advice (haha) that you you try it too.
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