It Takes A Little Selfishness
My message to women this woman’s month: be selfish with your future. Something got me thinking about Tamar lately, the one in Genesis 38. It’s a very intriguing story.
She married a man named Er (big mistake, excuse the pun), the son of Judah, Jacob’s son. Er died prematurely because of his wicked ways and so as the law went (the law concerning levirate marriage), she was given to Onan, her late husband’s younger brother with the sole purpose of producing offspring for the deceased. He too was wicked (I’m not surprised). He used the “withdrawal method” whenever he lay with her, making sure she wouldn’t conceive. He too died prematurely for this wicked act.
She then should have been given to Judah’s last born son, Shelah (what a manly name). But Judah was afraid, having lost two sons to this woman already, he would have been a fool to hand over his last, right? Because it’s obvious that she was the problem, people lived, until they married her. So Judah lied to her and told her to go back home, told her Shelah wasn’t old enough to marry, said he’d give her a ring when the lad was ready. To return home after your husband died was customary if there was absolutely no chance of you marrying into the family again (see Ruth 1), but it was unusual to be sent off with the expectation of returning again. If we go by what Naomi says, we pick up that if any waiting is done, it’s done there in the home of the husband. But not so with Tamar. She had to go back and mourn for her husband(s) with the hope of a the next one coming for her. A false hope, so she and everyone else around her figured out as years passed.
Years later, when Shelah was old enough and she still hadn’t been summoned, she heard Judah was coming through town. It had been so long that Judah’s wife had also died. She changed her widows clothes and covered herself with a veil and waited for him at the entrance to the town. He assumed she was a prostitute and asked for her services. He didn’t have the goat to pay her (sounds hilarious) so she requested that he leave her with his belongings in promise to send the goat later. Low and behold, Tamar conceived.
Three months later Judah gets word that his daughter in law is guilty of prostitution and is pregnant as a result of it. Without hesitation he ordered that she be brought out so that she would be burnt to death. (It was so costly to be a woman back then. A goat for prostitution, your life for justice.) The Bible says as she was being brought out she sent the personal belongings of the man who had gotten her pregnant to Judah, asking him if he recognized them. “Judah recognized them and said, “She is more righteous than I, since I wouldn’t give her to my son Shelah.” (verse 26)
Now back to my point of how we as women should be selfish concerning our future. I’m so bothered by an attitude of wanting to be ‘considered’ among us woman. English doesn’t quiet say it right for me. If I were to say it in isiZulu I would say: Asiyeke ukufuna ukucatshangelwa njengabantu besifazane. Zicabangele. Cabanga kuthi izinto ozenzayo nowenziswa zona zizolitinta kanjani iksasa lakho. Bana nomona ngeksasa lakho.
I say this because it seems we as women walk blindly into situations which are detrimental to our future, trusting and hoping that others have our best interest at heart. Why don’t I have my best interest at heart, why don’t I consider myself instead of expecting others to do it? Like it or not, men still have it easier, even today. As much as Tamar was about to loose her life for doing the very same thing Judah did, society still stones and burns more women than it does men. She’s always asked if she had been drinking, how she was dressed, if she knew him, before he can be charged. The ground isn’t even, don’t be fooled.
Tamar was selfish with her future in that when she realized Judah had no intention to give her the family she desired and deserved, she didn’t sit hoping that one day he’d have a sudden change of heart, she worked with what she had. I’m no feminist but I’m not about women not living up to their God-given purpose because of insecure men. Cause you’ve got to be insecure to feel threatened by your spouse living up to her full potential. Yes, I acknowledge that there are certain sacrifices that both husband and wife will make to secure the success of their marriage but I feel so much intentional sabotage has been done to many under that mask.
Tamar had been disadvantaged, cheated, made to feel that she was the problem, she could have lived her life complaining and feeling miserable, like the other Tamar did (see 2 Samuel 13 – she completely breaks my heart...after being disadvantaged, she lived a miserable life, looking to a man, her brother, to consider her). Tamar took it upon herself that she had a future, that she had a family, that she left a name behind for herself, that she wasn’t bullied out of being in the lineage of the Messiah. At this point it was unknown that Judah would be the lineage of Christ, Jacob only reveals it chapters later, but her attitude of refusing to let go of the only chance she had at a family secured her a seat amongst the Bible’s greatest. Cause it’s evident no man would ever marry her, not with the string of dead husbands behind her and suspicion of bareness.
So ladies, lets put ourselves first, we’ve been put out at the back of the line for far too long. Vow to want things for yourself that you’ll work by yourself to achieve. Stop looking out for someone to “bless” you; work, you’ve got it in you to be whatever it is you’re meant to be. The only man you need by your side is Christ through whom you’ll be given strength to do all things!
She married a man named Er (big mistake, excuse the pun), the son of Judah, Jacob’s son. Er died prematurely because of his wicked ways and so as the law went (the law concerning levirate marriage), she was given to Onan, her late husband’s younger brother with the sole purpose of producing offspring for the deceased. He too was wicked (I’m not surprised). He used the “withdrawal method” whenever he lay with her, making sure she wouldn’t conceive. He too died prematurely for this wicked act.
She then should have been given to Judah’s last born son, Shelah (what a manly name). But Judah was afraid, having lost two sons to this woman already, he would have been a fool to hand over his last, right? Because it’s obvious that she was the problem, people lived, until they married her. So Judah lied to her and told her to go back home, told her Shelah wasn’t old enough to marry, said he’d give her a ring when the lad was ready. To return home after your husband died was customary if there was absolutely no chance of you marrying into the family again (see Ruth 1), but it was unusual to be sent off with the expectation of returning again. If we go by what Naomi says, we pick up that if any waiting is done, it’s done there in the home of the husband. But not so with Tamar. She had to go back and mourn for her husband(s) with the hope of a the next one coming for her. A false hope, so she and everyone else around her figured out as years passed.
Years later, when Shelah was old enough and she still hadn’t been summoned, she heard Judah was coming through town. It had been so long that Judah’s wife had also died. She changed her widows clothes and covered herself with a veil and waited for him at the entrance to the town. He assumed she was a prostitute and asked for her services. He didn’t have the goat to pay her (sounds hilarious) so she requested that he leave her with his belongings in promise to send the goat later. Low and behold, Tamar conceived.
Three months later Judah gets word that his daughter in law is guilty of prostitution and is pregnant as a result of it. Without hesitation he ordered that she be brought out so that she would be burnt to death. (It was so costly to be a woman back then. A goat for prostitution, your life for justice.) The Bible says as she was being brought out she sent the personal belongings of the man who had gotten her pregnant to Judah, asking him if he recognized them. “Judah recognized them and said, “She is more righteous than I, since I wouldn’t give her to my son Shelah.” (verse 26)
Now back to my point of how we as women should be selfish concerning our future. I’m so bothered by an attitude of wanting to be ‘considered’ among us woman. English doesn’t quiet say it right for me. If I were to say it in isiZulu I would say: Asiyeke ukufuna ukucatshangelwa njengabantu besifazane. Zicabangele. Cabanga kuthi izinto ozenzayo nowenziswa zona zizolitinta kanjani iksasa lakho. Bana nomona ngeksasa lakho.
I say this because it seems we as women walk blindly into situations which are detrimental to our future, trusting and hoping that others have our best interest at heart. Why don’t I have my best interest at heart, why don’t I consider myself instead of expecting others to do it? Like it or not, men still have it easier, even today. As much as Tamar was about to loose her life for doing the very same thing Judah did, society still stones and burns more women than it does men. She’s always asked if she had been drinking, how she was dressed, if she knew him, before he can be charged. The ground isn’t even, don’t be fooled.
Tamar was selfish with her future in that when she realized Judah had no intention to give her the family she desired and deserved, she didn’t sit hoping that one day he’d have a sudden change of heart, she worked with what she had. I’m no feminist but I’m not about women not living up to their God-given purpose because of insecure men. Cause you’ve got to be insecure to feel threatened by your spouse living up to her full potential. Yes, I acknowledge that there are certain sacrifices that both husband and wife will make to secure the success of their marriage but I feel so much intentional sabotage has been done to many under that mask.
Tamar had been disadvantaged, cheated, made to feel that she was the problem, she could have lived her life complaining and feeling miserable, like the other Tamar did (see 2 Samuel 13 – she completely breaks my heart...after being disadvantaged, she lived a miserable life, looking to a man, her brother, to consider her). Tamar took it upon herself that she had a future, that she had a family, that she left a name behind for herself, that she wasn’t bullied out of being in the lineage of the Messiah. At this point it was unknown that Judah would be the lineage of Christ, Jacob only reveals it chapters later, but her attitude of refusing to let go of the only chance she had at a family secured her a seat amongst the Bible’s greatest. Cause it’s evident no man would ever marry her, not with the string of dead husbands behind her and suspicion of bareness.
So ladies, lets put ourselves first, we’ve been put out at the back of the line for far too long. Vow to want things for yourself that you’ll work by yourself to achieve. Stop looking out for someone to “bless” you; work, you’ve got it in you to be whatever it is you’re meant to be. The only man you need by your side is Christ through whom you’ll be given strength to do all things!
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