Back to Basics: Marriage (Part Two)
In the first part, we introduced the theme of the importance of doing marriage God’s way if it is to work. We concluded on two points extracted from Genesis 2:20-23, that according to God, marriage is exclusively between two people of different genders. Now we move on to the next two points which are based on Genesis 2:24.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (KJV)
3. Man must leave and cleave
The way this verse begins reveals that it is closely connected to the previous. The reason why a man leaves his parents is based on his state of being awakened to the woman that is presented to him. Without being informed by God, Adam, awakened from a deep sleep, realized who Eve was and what she meant to him. This is the basis of a marriage; not beauty, not riches, not skills and abilities, but worth. If you marry for any other reason other than this as a man, you will completely fail to leave. Because without realizing a woman’s worth in line with your purpose and destiny will mean you continue to cling to your parents who are only in your life to train you up in a way you should go (which should lead you to your destiny), but they cannot walk with you to get you there, only a suitable helper can.
Funny enough, unlike society which emphasizes the woman’s leaving her home, God puts the weight of leaving on the man. Why? He is the priest of the home, the head, and the vision-bearer. As bearer of the vision, which should be better and an improvement of the vision that governed the home he comes from, he needs to be detached in order to build his own.
But why the need to leave in the first place? Because you cannot be joined to your wife while you are still attached to your parents. The word ‘cleave’ means ‘to stick fast to, to become very strongly involved with or emotionally attached to.’ Therefore, leaving doesn’t speak of abandoning your folks, but understanding that your devotion now belongs to your wife. Your time, money, and strength all go into building a home for you and her, and your greatest pleasure is to please her because your eyes have been opened to who she is and what she means to you. This means you trust her judgement enough to consult her (and not your mother) on day-to-day decisions, you believe she has your best interest at heart and so she’ll do everything in her power to see that all you care about (including your parents) is taken care of. Failure to leave and cleave ultimately ruins your chances of what the next point deals with, becoming one with your wife.
4. Oneness
I like the NLT on this point because it goes beyond unity being in the flesh/body but gives the understanding that its unity in every part of my earthly existence.
Unity in the flesh speaks of the bond that forms between the man and his wife through sexual intimacy. Sex is beyond physical, it affects one emotionally (since you become attached), psychologically (because the experience of pleasure or trauma affects you), and even spiritually (since your body hosts God’s Spirit). This is why premarital sex, promiscuity and adultery are particularly destructive, because you form so-called ‘soul-ties’ with multiples people of whom there is no commitment to and severe your relationship with God as well. Sex is safe and blessed within marriage, it binds the two, making them into one, and they are deeply attached and devoted to one another. Adultery therefore causes damage that runs deep in a marriage, it damages and sometimes destroys this oneness. This is a key to understanding why Jesus exempted divorce in cases of marital unfaithfulness (see Matthew 6:32).
But their oneness goes beyond the flesh, and touches on every aspect of their lives. Ephesians 5:28 will say “He who loves his wife loves himself” this shows how the husband is one with his wife so much so that she’s considered to be him. It is the principle of oneness that God has established to ensure that there is no abuse in marriage. When we are married, when I take care of you, I take care of myself because you are a reflection of me, a representation of me to the world. When I talk you down, dishonour you, beat you, I am showing you and the world just how much I hate myself. T.D Jakes put it so well in his book “Celebrating Marriage” when he said: “When a man takes a wife to himself, he takes her into his total life. She becomes a part of him and he becomes part of her. They are one… Whatever he is, she will enter fully into his cycles, his systems, his self-esteem, his restlessness, his peace, his degree of wholeness.”
This principal is also why I prefer marriage ‘in community of property’. It is difficult to claim to be one with your wife/husband when there are parts of your life which are concealed from and exclude your wife/husband. These things will eventually drive a divide between the two of you and the one will again be two. The Amplified version speaks about how ‘the two will become one’. To become is a process, not an overnight thing. In your marriage, you need to put down rules and principals that will not hinder the process of becoming one; you need to allow the process of becoming, you need to be active in the process of becoming. Things that have the potential to divide and separate need to be avoided.
It amazes me how everything contained in Genesis 2 informs everything else the Bible says about marriage. The other four points of this teaching (which are 5. Of equal yoke, 6. Purity before marriage 7. The permanency of marriage and 8. The roles of husband and wife) though based on the New Testament, feed off from what God said at the initiation of marriage.
I hope this has brought insight to you, that it has opened your eyes to the bigger purpose of marriage and God’s expectation of how it should be done. But most importantly, I hope it has given new form to your thoughts about marriage. If you’re unmarried like me, I hope it will shape your expectations and preparations, and if married, I hope that it will cause you to revisit how you’re doing so that at the end of the day, God is glorified through our marriages.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” (KJV)
3. Man must leave and cleave
The way this verse begins reveals that it is closely connected to the previous. The reason why a man leaves his parents is based on his state of being awakened to the woman that is presented to him. Without being informed by God, Adam, awakened from a deep sleep, realized who Eve was and what she meant to him. This is the basis of a marriage; not beauty, not riches, not skills and abilities, but worth. If you marry for any other reason other than this as a man, you will completely fail to leave. Because without realizing a woman’s worth in line with your purpose and destiny will mean you continue to cling to your parents who are only in your life to train you up in a way you should go (which should lead you to your destiny), but they cannot walk with you to get you there, only a suitable helper can.
Funny enough, unlike society which emphasizes the woman’s leaving her home, God puts the weight of leaving on the man. Why? He is the priest of the home, the head, and the vision-bearer. As bearer of the vision, which should be better and an improvement of the vision that governed the home he comes from, he needs to be detached in order to build his own.
But why the need to leave in the first place? Because you cannot be joined to your wife while you are still attached to your parents. The word ‘cleave’ means ‘to stick fast to, to become very strongly involved with or emotionally attached to.’ Therefore, leaving doesn’t speak of abandoning your folks, but understanding that your devotion now belongs to your wife. Your time, money, and strength all go into building a home for you and her, and your greatest pleasure is to please her because your eyes have been opened to who she is and what she means to you. This means you trust her judgement enough to consult her (and not your mother) on day-to-day decisions, you believe she has your best interest at heart and so she’ll do everything in her power to see that all you care about (including your parents) is taken care of. Failure to leave and cleave ultimately ruins your chances of what the next point deals with, becoming one with your wife.
4. Oneness
I like the NLT on this point because it goes beyond unity being in the flesh/body but gives the understanding that its unity in every part of my earthly existence.
Unity in the flesh speaks of the bond that forms between the man and his wife through sexual intimacy. Sex is beyond physical, it affects one emotionally (since you become attached), psychologically (because the experience of pleasure or trauma affects you), and even spiritually (since your body hosts God’s Spirit). This is why premarital sex, promiscuity and adultery are particularly destructive, because you form so-called ‘soul-ties’ with multiples people of whom there is no commitment to and severe your relationship with God as well. Sex is safe and blessed within marriage, it binds the two, making them into one, and they are deeply attached and devoted to one another. Adultery therefore causes damage that runs deep in a marriage, it damages and sometimes destroys this oneness. This is a key to understanding why Jesus exempted divorce in cases of marital unfaithfulness (see Matthew 6:32).
But their oneness goes beyond the flesh, and touches on every aspect of their lives. Ephesians 5:28 will say “He who loves his wife loves himself” this shows how the husband is one with his wife so much so that she’s considered to be him. It is the principle of oneness that God has established to ensure that there is no abuse in marriage. When we are married, when I take care of you, I take care of myself because you are a reflection of me, a representation of me to the world. When I talk you down, dishonour you, beat you, I am showing you and the world just how much I hate myself. T.D Jakes put it so well in his book “Celebrating Marriage” when he said: “When a man takes a wife to himself, he takes her into his total life. She becomes a part of him and he becomes part of her. They are one… Whatever he is, she will enter fully into his cycles, his systems, his self-esteem, his restlessness, his peace, his degree of wholeness.”
This principal is also why I prefer marriage ‘in community of property’. It is difficult to claim to be one with your wife/husband when there are parts of your life which are concealed from and exclude your wife/husband. These things will eventually drive a divide between the two of you and the one will again be two. The Amplified version speaks about how ‘the two will become one’. To become is a process, not an overnight thing. In your marriage, you need to put down rules and principals that will not hinder the process of becoming one; you need to allow the process of becoming, you need to be active in the process of becoming. Things that have the potential to divide and separate need to be avoided.
It amazes me how everything contained in Genesis 2 informs everything else the Bible says about marriage. The other four points of this teaching (which are 5. Of equal yoke, 6. Purity before marriage 7. The permanency of marriage and 8. The roles of husband and wife) though based on the New Testament, feed off from what God said at the initiation of marriage.
I hope this has brought insight to you, that it has opened your eyes to the bigger purpose of marriage and God’s expectation of how it should be done. But most importantly, I hope it has given new form to your thoughts about marriage. If you’re unmarried like me, I hope it will shape your expectations and preparations, and if married, I hope that it will cause you to revisit how you’re doing so that at the end of the day, God is glorified through our marriages.
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