Selective Obedience

I am headstrong. I am adamant on finding a way where there is none and once found, I'm doing it my way. This makes me a very difficult person to work with, an even harder person to love. Most people view it as pride and stubbornness, that's the surface, I know the root: mistrust. I cannot trust anyone with myself to that extent as to let them navigate my life in a different direction than I had worked out, ask anyone who's been in a car with me.
I've learnt this can be a hindrance, not only in my relationships with people, but with God as well.

The other morning I was mad (angry and hurt in my understanding) at one of my sisters because of how she had failed to do a simple task I'd asked of her the day before (I don't know if not even trying counts as failing). I was angry because it was really something small I'd asked of her, really simple, though important. Hurt because her disobedience was so intended, I had asked her again and again, but she still hadn't done it. I also hurt because I saw how unwilling she was to learn, how unwilling she was to develop herself in a certain skill so that her life would make her useful around the house and be better in the future.
At that very moment God made me realize that I was no different.

He reminded me about areas in my life in which I am stubbornly unwilling to obey. Areas in which I don't trust Him enough to obey him, because that's what obedience is about; trust. I have to not trust God to willingly go against Him. I have to not trust that He has better to offer when I disobey after He prompts me to let go of what I'm holding on to. I have to not trust that He can do better when I want to forcefully work at it by myself. I imagined how it hurt Him when I disobeyed, even more because He has never given me a reason not to trust Him. It becomes obvious that you have to be either enslaved by fear of trusting or pride in order to disobey.

While thinking about all this, I realized why Jesus connected obedience to love. He says in John 14:15 "If you love me, you will obey what I command." You then have to understand the qualities of love to get this. According to Corinthians, love always trusts. And we've already established that trust is a necessary element for obedience. Love is also not proud, it is humble, because of this, it submits and obeys.

If you're getting by in any relationship without humility, you're doing it wrong. Humility is what says 'I'd rather swallow my pride than loose you'. Humility is what allows you to admit fault without leaving you feeling vulnerable. Humility is a powerful element in any relationship. Imagine how many marriages would be in a better state if this truth was understood and implemented, imagine the friendships that would still exist, the relationships with family members that would still be holding.
The problem is that we've been programmed to perceive the one who apologies as the weaker one hence we feel vulnerable and fear being taken advantage of when we express humility. But, in fact, the humble one is the stronger one for he knows that he is no less than you but still treats you better than himself (see Philippian's 2:3-7). Let me not make a sermon out of it, but I hope you get my drift.

I will obey better when I love better and when I truly understand love better. This is why obedience means so much to God because it's an expression of love with all it's trust and humility. May He help us today to obey Him completely, in all areas of our lives, may He help us to comprehend the love He has lavished upon us because when we do, our obedience will not fall short.