Unseen
My ego works overtime, a cause of most of my frustration.
Ego is defined as 'a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance', it originates from the Latin for 'I'. For some odd reason, ego is usually given a negative connotation in every day speech. That couldn't be further from the truth since the synonyms of ego are 'self-respect, self-conceit, self-image and self-confidence'.
Back to my overactive ego.
I cannot stand being in one-way relationships, I'm too conscious of myself to be in a relationship where I only give and never take. I just can't. I think I've written about the different ecological relationships before, but my memory stinks (and repetition never killed anyone anyway).
Competition is the simple one, its multiple organisms fighting for the same resources. The competition may or may not lead to interference but it's a given that the more similar two species in a community are, the more competitive they are with each other. Being in competition with someone you're in a relationship with will lead you to much frustration, relationships never are about winning.
Parasitism is where one species preys on another species which is disadvantaged but generally not killed. That last part is is the 'red flag'. Just because you're surviving it, doesn't mean you should put up with it. Sure no ones perfect, everyone makes mistakes with people they're close to but parasites (they gave the name to themselves) intentionally bring you harm. They repeatedly engage in activities that will disadvantage you, they say 'sorry' but never change. Word for the wise: walk out, shut that door and never look back!
Commensalism is the opposite of parasitism; one species benefits but the other (the host) is unaffected. What a bore of a relationship, you're there but you're not there. I'd rather be alone! I want to be affected, in a good way of course, but being affected is exactly what I want out of a relationship.
Predatation is obviously a 'no go' area. No sane person engages in a relationship where the are preyed upon by their predator.
That then brings us to mutualism, the only way, in my opinion, that humans can successfully exist within relationships.
Mutualism is characterized by mutual benefit, pessimist view it as a mutual exploitation. Half empty, half full debate; I go with 'benefit' rather than 'exploitation'.
For this reason, the core of who I am is deeply bruised when there's an imbalance in my relationships. It hurts so much I can barely express it, I just shut down. I cannot function where I'm not seen. By 'seen' I mean recognized, appreciated, respected. (I can imagine how proud this makes me sound, I only hope you'll understand).
The reason why I work so well with the company (haha, you know I mean ministry) I work for is because of the way they see me. And no, I'm not speaking about the people I serve (I'd go nuts if I tried to keep up with their perceptions of me, no offence guys), I'm speaking about those that lead me, our working relationship is one happy one because I thrive where I'm seen. I came across a quote this week that said "a person who feels appreciated will always do more than expected", whoever said this knew something the rest of us need to understand.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Genesis 2:23 where Adam meets Eve for the first time. What makes me love it is how Adam, without being fed information, sees Eve for who she is: taken from him, like him, one with him, not a subordinate, but an equal; different in role, but exactly the same at the core. He could see that this one wasn't another animal that he was to name, but another human that he was to identify, relate with, and working together with, fulfill his purpose.
Any relationship, be it with your spouse, your parents, your siblings, your colleagues, your friends, whoever, where you are not seen defies the principles of mutualism and is bound to leave you worn out, frustrated and tired. And that is not what relationships are for, they are meant to uplift, bring joy and encouragement. Life is hard enough by itself, it's twice as hard when the people you're living it with cannot see you, they suffocate your 'I'.
Ego is defined as 'a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance', it originates from the Latin for 'I'. For some odd reason, ego is usually given a negative connotation in every day speech. That couldn't be further from the truth since the synonyms of ego are 'self-respect, self-conceit, self-image and self-confidence'.
Back to my overactive ego.
I cannot stand being in one-way relationships, I'm too conscious of myself to be in a relationship where I only give and never take. I just can't. I think I've written about the different ecological relationships before, but my memory stinks (and repetition never killed anyone anyway).
Competition is the simple one, its multiple organisms fighting for the same resources. The competition may or may not lead to interference but it's a given that the more similar two species in a community are, the more competitive they are with each other. Being in competition with someone you're in a relationship with will lead you to much frustration, relationships never are about winning.
Parasitism is where one species preys on another species which is disadvantaged but generally not killed. That last part is is the 'red flag'. Just because you're surviving it, doesn't mean you should put up with it. Sure no ones perfect, everyone makes mistakes with people they're close to but parasites (they gave the name to themselves) intentionally bring you harm. They repeatedly engage in activities that will disadvantage you, they say 'sorry' but never change. Word for the wise: walk out, shut that door and never look back!
Commensalism is the opposite of parasitism; one species benefits but the other (the host) is unaffected. What a bore of a relationship, you're there but you're not there. I'd rather be alone! I want to be affected, in a good way of course, but being affected is exactly what I want out of a relationship.
Predatation is obviously a 'no go' area. No sane person engages in a relationship where the are preyed upon by their predator.
That then brings us to mutualism, the only way, in my opinion, that humans can successfully exist within relationships.
Mutualism is characterized by mutual benefit, pessimist view it as a mutual exploitation. Half empty, half full debate; I go with 'benefit' rather than 'exploitation'.
For this reason, the core of who I am is deeply bruised when there's an imbalance in my relationships. It hurts so much I can barely express it, I just shut down. I cannot function where I'm not seen. By 'seen' I mean recognized, appreciated, respected. (I can imagine how proud this makes me sound, I only hope you'll understand).
The reason why I work so well with the company (haha, you know I mean ministry) I work for is because of the way they see me. And no, I'm not speaking about the people I serve (I'd go nuts if I tried to keep up with their perceptions of me, no offence guys), I'm speaking about those that lead me, our working relationship is one happy one because I thrive where I'm seen. I came across a quote this week that said "a person who feels appreciated will always do more than expected", whoever said this knew something the rest of us need to understand.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Genesis 2:23 where Adam meets Eve for the first time. What makes me love it is how Adam, without being fed information, sees Eve for who she is: taken from him, like him, one with him, not a subordinate, but an equal; different in role, but exactly the same at the core. He could see that this one wasn't another animal that he was to name, but another human that he was to identify, relate with, and working together with, fulfill his purpose.
Any relationship, be it with your spouse, your parents, your siblings, your colleagues, your friends, whoever, where you are not seen defies the principles of mutualism and is bound to leave you worn out, frustrated and tired. And that is not what relationships are for, they are meant to uplift, bring joy and encouragement. Life is hard enough by itself, it's twice as hard when the people you're living it with cannot see you, they suffocate your 'I'.
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