Thoughts and Other Things

It's one thing to be seen by God, another to see the God who sees you. Being seen by Him is a realization, to see Him a revelation.  Being seen by Him is being heard by Him - 'Ismael' (God hears).  It is Him hearing of your misery when no one else could care - you are but a maidservant after all; unseen.  Being seen by Him is being followed by Him, into dessert places, pushed by desperation, searching for safer hands and softer hearts. There He finds you, asks of you when all your life decisions were made for you. Being seen by Him is Him finding you when you are lost, not even knowing it 'cause you think you know what you're doing. Being seen by Him is having Him unfold the future while you're still trying to get a grasp of the present. Being seen by Him is comforting, reassuring, grounding. But seeing Him - that one calls you out. Seeing Him is adhering when he sends you back to the very thing you were trying to escape. Seeing Him is saying 'yes' to Hi...

  I’m bothered by how Pentecost Sunday always gets more buzz than Ascension Day. I was seeing posters for Pentecost Sunday last week already (and I’m by no means throwing shade, I too only remembered Ascension Day late into the very day). I’m bothered because these two days are deeply connected. Ascension Day is to Pentecost Sunday what Good Friday is to Ressurection Sunday. Without Ascension, there is no Pentecost. Jesus puts it plainly to His disciples that unless He goes, the Holy Spirit cannot come (John 16:7).   This is no battle of Christian Holy Days, but I think it’s important for any Christian to understand the significance of Jesus ascending to heaven. In John 16:28 Jesus says: “I came from the Father and entered the world, now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.” Yes, Jesus ascending to heaven is about Him returning to the Father but ‘here’s the thing’ (I’ve been watching too much Monk): Jesus isn’t returning the same way He left. Jesus is not j...

This year did not get off to the kind of start I anticipated. I wanted to ease into it and for the first four days, I thought I was winning. I spent New Year’s Day by myself doing laundry and some housekeeping. I cooked myself a meal and enjoyed it over an episode of Grace and Frankie. What I didn’t know was that I’d spend the first weekend of the year sitting outside with the contents of my little flat as the roof was abruptly replaced by the most chilled construction team (during a week with 80% chance of rain on most days). Everything came to a halt for a week as I moved out with my stuff in the mornings, sat with them outside all day and moved back in in the evenings. Instead of starting my days hitting the gym and putting plans in place for work and school, I was clearing brick and ceiling debris instead. Of course, this wasn’t my first time on this rodeo – we had major renovations at home a few years ago. But this run was different, I really struggled with regulating myself that ...

 I recently came across a post with an intriguing question: how can you tell the difference between when God says ‘no’ and when he says ‘not yet’? This question flows from the popular saying that God’s response to prayer is either yes, no or not yet. I suppose, in the moment, you can’t, unless He clearly articulates it like he does to Paul when He makes it clear that He will not remove the thorn in Paul’s flesh. In most cases, however, we only know after the fact. It’s only when we look back at what we thought was rejection that we realize that it’s not that it wasn’t meant for us, it just wasn’t meant for us in that season of our lives. I’m pretty sure Joseph was gutted to be forgotten when he clearly made his case to be remembered and freed. “’ But when all goes well with you, remember me and show me kindness; mention me to Pharaoh and get me out of this prison. For I was forcibly carried off from the land of the Hebrews, and even here I have done nothing to deserve being put in ...

I’ve struggled so much with trusting God’s plan for my life this past year. I used to think that the biggest exercise of trust in God’s plan for my life would be when I said ‘yes’ to his calling into ministry. But it turns out that every turn of this journey requires my trust. The past year has been particularly difficult for me. I have wrestled with God concerning how I pictured my life would be at this stage compared to His unfolding plan for my life.   In the early hours of Sunday morning as I fell in and out of sleep, I heard a voice command me: Trust God’s plan. When I awakened a few hours later, I scribbled the instruction as to not forget it and grabbed my Bible. I read Ephesians 1:11 which says: “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.” Through this text, God led me to understand why I can trust his plan.   1. I can trust God’s plan because it is firmly e...

I' ve learnt one thing from the nameless female characters in the Bible: You don't need a name to leave your mark. You don't need a title, a position, a following or a long list of accolades.  These women are proof that... Even when you're only known through the man you're attached to, God can still talk to you and trust you to incubate a Samson to destroy his enemies. Even when you're only known through the death of the man your provision was attached to, you can still feed and house an Elijah through a three-year drought. Even when you're only known as a slave girl, you can still drive a mighty Naaman to know that there is a God in Israel. ` Even when you're only known through the son you've birthed, you can still mould a leader and shape a kingdom through your oracles. Even when you're only known through your nationality as a Samaritan, you can still turn many to Jesus through your testimony. Even when you're only known through your...

One thing you’re sure to come across in this adulting journey is disappointment. God recently helped me understand how I (often) end up disappointed and I’d like to unpack it to save you some further heartbreak too.   I don’t think I need to explain what disappointment is. If you’re old enough to read this, I’m pretty sure you’ve experienced it on more than one occasion. However, for the purpose of the understanding God gave me, we’ll define it. Simply put, disappointment is a feeling of sadness caused by expectations going unfulfilled. If unmet expectations are the root of disappointment, we must consider what informs our expectations to deal with said disappointment.   “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the maker of all things.” Ecclesiastes 11:5   If we are to escape disappointment, we must acknowledge the limitation of our knowledge. This is because what we know ...

As we conclude Youth Month, I thought I’d share a message God laid on my heart. I shared it with my youth group and thought I’d share it with you too. God impressed in my heart to remind the young that they have something to give.  “Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I don’t have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Acts 3:4-6 In this story, the crippled beggar is expecting to get money from Peter and John. Peter however makes it clear that he does not have what the man expects, but he does have something to give (which is way better than the money the man expects). So it is with the young – they have something valuable to contribute, but because what they have is not what we (as families, the church, society etc.) expect, we often miss it.  Consider the image above. In a world that overvalues ...

I’m getting ready for a funeral. The second this month of a beloved church member. As a pastor, it is both heart-wrenching and sobering. Heart-wrenching because of the loss; sobering because the death of a congregant is a stark reminder of the true work of a pastor.  I had the privilege of being in a room full of pastors yesterday. Pastors young and old; male and a few female. Pastors who are well-known and those no one has heard of. Those who lead crowds and those with only a handful of congregants. Pastors with state-of-the-art church buildings, multiple campuses, and the expensive lifestyle to show for it - and those with nothing to show. But none of this bears any significance when it comes to a pastor's work.  The image often used to describe a pastor's work is that of a shepherd. It is understandable because this image is littered throughout Scripture. But there is another image, another ancient occupation that God uses to paint a picture of pastoral ministry: a watchman...

The story of Elijah in the first book of Kings is such a clear reminder of just how listening to any voice other than God’s can displace us. After listening to Jezebel’s threat, Elijah ran for his life. In Horeb where he ends up, God repeatedly asks him: “ What are you doing here, Elijah? ” (1 Kings 19:9,13). God asks this question because fear, which came as a result of listening to a ‘stranger’s voice’, had displaced Elijah.   In previous chapters we see how Elijah’s steps were ordered by the Lord. Elijah was always where God wanted him to be because he was following God’s voice. After delivering a prophesy about the famine, God directed him to the Kerith Ravine where he would make divine provision for him. Following the drying up of the brook there, God led him to go to Zarephath where again he would be divinely provided for through a widow. When it was time for the famine to end, God again gave instruction to Elijah to move – to go present himself to king Ahab. Elijah alway...

For this entire year, I have had the privilege of leading my small congregation through the book of Acts during our weekly Bible Study sessions. We recently completed the book and I was so moved by Paul's last journey - by how a journey God had ordained could turn so chaotic. In the midst of trying to prove himself innocent to his vicious accusers, God had appeared to Paul, telling him that he would now go to Rome. Paul was currently in Jerusalem, another destination God had revealed beforehand. Not only did God tell him he'd have to go to Jerusalem (Acts 20:22), He also had told him what would transpire there. "Coming over to us, he took Paul’s belt, tied his own hands and feet with it and said, “The Holy Spirit says, ‘In this way the Jewish leaders in Jerusalem will bind the owner of this belt and will hand him over to the Gentiles.’” Acts 21:11 After the prophet Agabus delivered this prophesy, Paul's companions begged him not to go to Jerusalem. They believed this...

I’ve been through seasons in my life where God was silent and have often taught about it, but recently, God has been teaching me about how we sometimes think He is silent when it is actually us who are failing to perceive His speaking. In Job 33, Elihu speaks these words to Job: “Why do you complain to him that he answers none of man’s words? For God does speak – now one way, now another – though man may not perceive it” (Job 33:13-14). Elihu says this to Job because earlier Job complained saying: “I cry out to you, O God, but you do not answer” (Job 30:20). Job was convinced that God was not paying him any attention, but Elihu helps him understand that God does speak, it is us who sometimes fail to discern that He is speaking.  Elihu goes on to describe the various ways in which God speaks: through dreams and visions (Job 33:15), through an audible voice (Job 33:16) and also through suffering (Job 33:19). God might not have been communicating to Job through words or visions as w...

I remember the first time I rode a bicycle - I was nervous but excited. Dad would hold my bicycle so I wouldn’t fall. I was so scared that I made sure that he did not to let go, but somehow, when I was paying more attention on my footwork and road ahead, I noticed that he wasn’t there anymore. I looked back and saw that he was no longer holding me. My heart begun pounding - I knew that since he let go the potential of me falling off and getting injured was greater. I felt safe with dad near, but now he had let go.  But I didn’t fall (at least not that day). I got the hang of riding a bicycle, but my dad had to let go and let me be on my own so I could learn.  Growing up I didn’t mind being surrounded by people, whether my family or people at my church because I felt comforted knowing that I was not alone and that I wouldn’t ‘fall’ because someone was always around to hold me up. This made me very dependent. As a last born (the treasure of the family if I might add), when the t...

I heard walking does good for your mental wellbeing, so I left the car and walked around the block - I'm disagreeing.  For a girl, walking doesn't do much for your mind,  except fill it with concern 'cause of all the strange eyes observing your behind.  Instead of setting your heart at ease and clearing your head, you pick up more anxiety and frustration instead.  There's no time to hear yourself thinking when your thoughts must wrestle to rise above the cat-calling. There's no time to relax when the hoots of cars passing make your heart jump - oops almost falling.  Definately no time to take in the "fresh" air when you're trying to determine if no one is following you.  No time to release tension when you're trying to avoid the approaching group of men - "please do not pursue".  No longer walking, now almost jogging. Your thoughts filling with worst case scenarios, your brain almost clogging.  Anticipating the moment you'll walk thro...

W hile getting ready for our youth service last week, I was pondering on a very popular ‘youth Scripture’: “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young” (1 Timothy 4:12). Being active in ministry from a young age, I know and have lived by this verse. Being young and female in leadership, I am familiar with what is to be undermined and I know what it is to strive to ensure it doesn’t happen. But God’s Word being God’s Word, it never seizes to surprise with ‘newness’. Reading this text this time around, God impressed on my heart that while some of us are quick to make sure that no one looks down on us, we are blinded to how we look down on ourselves - we are despised in our own eyes. I had been learning abit about how the fall into sin impacted our sight and I got drawn back to it while exploring this understanding. Sin literally changed the way we see, not just the world, but ourselves. “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they se...

One thing that will always fascinate me about God’s Word is how He can speak something new using the same old Scripture. Something that is the same is not known to change, but the wonder of God’s word is that it remains the same, yet He speaks something new and different through it each time we approach to hear Him. I have read the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand countless times before, but when I read it this past weekend, God opened my eyes to something new. My focus has always been on the miracle of the five loaves and two fish being multiplied to be enough for a crowd of over five thousand, but this time He led me to see the miracle of the leftovers. “When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, ‘Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” John 6:12 I always understood the reason behind Jesus’ instruction to collect the leftovers being the one stated - that there be no waste. This time around I understood that it was important for the l...

Today I submitted my Masters dissertation. Three years worth of work squeezed between almost three hundred pages. I can't tell you how pleased I was to finally click 'submit'. It was such a long-awaited moment. From the first year, working tirelessly on a research proposal to the second year where I was manning fieldwork - finding appropriate participants, conducting interviews and collecting data. Then came the time to pull everything apart, analysing the data and then pulling it all together again as I reported on my findings. In the background of all these years, was the constant reading of several books and journal articles so that my findings could be set against other voices on the subject. Compiling each of the five chapters of the disseration proved to be such a process. Not only because of all the two-years of work that preceded it, but because I actually had to write a few drafts of each before I got it right. It has surely been an eye-opening experience to work o...

I’m thirty. That’s gonna take time getting used to ‘cause I’ve been twenty-five for the longest time, lol. There’s a big fuss around thirty so I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to ‘feel’. But I know I am grateful, so very grateful. I may not have accomplished everything I had set for myself to accomplish by now, but I am grateful to have things that all the money in the world can not buy… I am grateful amazing people in my life. I still have both my parents by my side – we are watching each other grow and it’s frustratingly hilarious. In the past year I’ve watched them fall sick and witnessed God heal them. I’m so blessed to have them here still. I am so grateful to have a bestfriend who loves me so loudly, siblings who adore me, and a church family that values me.  I am grateful to be able to say I love what I do – the fulfilment it brings surpasses the challenges it comes with. I still don’t feel like God made the best choice choosing me, but no amount of self-doubt can counte...

I’ve always thought that when you’re doing something you’re meant to do, it would be easy and that you would bear fruits and results instantaneously. The fruitfulness and sense of ease would be signs that you were doing the right thing. But as I (involuntarily) grow older, I’m realizing that this theory doesn’t always hold true. Experiencing difficulty doesn’t point to wrongness, as much as seasonal barrenness doesn’t mean you’re in the wrong field. In fact, I’m learning how the right thing is always challenged. It is challenged so much that one sometimes begins to even doubt that it’s the right thing.  Many narratives in the Bible make this clear, but one I have been going through lately is the story found in Judges 20. In this story, the Israelites are trying to do the right thing by holding the wrongdoers within their community accountable. Instead of co-operating, the wrongdoers respond with violence. The Israelites then have to defend themselves. Even before doing so the Israe...