Missing pieces

While attending our children’s ministry camp this past week, something was said which hit home. We were bonding over the bon-fire with the teens and one married sister of mine said something quiet profound. She mentioned the danger of these ‘friendships-bordering-on-relationships’ between young girls and boys; that it exposes you and your weaknesses to a person who is not bound to you by a covenant. It makes the other person know you so well, which should only be the privilege of your spouse and that even if they were a potential spouse, they will now reconsider seeing that they know your infirmities. Her point was, a person can only know you so much, but some things about you should remain treasures left only for your spouse to excavate. Be it nasty dark things like coal or beautiful pleasures like diamonds.

I could relate. You see, at some stage I was also a teenager (though I do not like to admit) and quiet head-strong with my opinions. One was that there was no harm in being close friends with someone who is the opposite gender. I learnt the hard way. And now listening to my sister, I felt sad that my coming husband would be the second to know certain hidden things about me. There will be pieces of my heart he can never have because they are simply not there anymore, they were stolen from him by a teenage love. It was for this reason that dark yet lovely princess cried that love not be aroused or awaken until it so desired. Now I was lucky to have God get hold of my senses after just that friendship/relationship and I sometimes wonder just how many pieces would be missing if he hadn’t. I wonder how many people are walking around with half hearts, quarter hearts, incomplete hearts? How many husbands are seeking things from their wives which simply aren’t there?

I thought it was a girl thing until I heard a mother of mine sharing with the boys at the very same camp about Proverbs 31:3

“Do not spend your strength on women, your vigor on those who ruin kings.”

She spoke about how sex is not just sex as men see it, but that that person you slept with takes something from you, they withdraw from your strength. She then went on to reminding boys that they too are expected to keep their virginity till marriage. But what caught my interest was the issue of strength that is spent. Boys generally think chasing girls is chasing girls, nothing more. But the thing is, once a boy finds a girl that pleases him and meets his desires, he opens up, just like Samson did to Delilah. Now he is spending more than his sexual strength but his emotional strength too. Come marriage, he will not have the patience to listen to his wife talk about her problems, he has been listening for years, he no longer has ears to hear. He will not look at her in an affectionate way, he has looked and longed after too many already. The thought of this made my heart sad.

When I read about Adam and Eve, it makes me jealous of what they had. They were each other’s firsts. Not just in the flesh, with their hearts too. They taught each other how to love, with no point of reference except the love they knew from their Father and Creator. This made me pray David’s 51^st psalm, “Create in me a clean heart”, but my prayer was altered, I desire a complete heart, a heart that knows no hurt or pain in the name of love, a heart that has no memories of what was said to be love but was not. A heart sealed and complete for my Adam. I challenge you to desire the same.