Thoughts and Other Things

The year is at its end and many are reflecting on lessons learned in the year. One of the most significant things I've learnt this year is the value of silence and solitude. I've learnt to grow fond of times alone when I get to love, appreciate and accept the person that God created me to be. It is then that I am not easily moved when others judge, criticize or look down on me. This has caused me to realize just why we fall prey to low self-esteem as teenagers, because so much of our time is spent around others, and many a times we compare ourselves to these others we spend time with. We find that we aren’t thin enough, not beautiful enough, not ‘cool’ enough, if they still use that as an excuse. We then grow to alter ourselves, despise ourselves and look down upon our very self because we don’t know ourselves very well, if we did, we’d never do anything to change us. You’d love you if you spent more time with you. If you asked God more what he thought of you than the magazin...

I was at that park of mine the other day, again pouring my heart out to God through a piece of paper, that’s what poetry is to me. I was seated comfortably in Bruno when a man, younger than my father, but old, came around. Observing his car, I realized he was the guy who worked here monitoring the place. He was with his son so I didn’t assume any funny business. After greeting me in a respectable manner, he inquired if I was studying, seeing that I was writing. When I negated, a worried look masked his face. He then asked what it was that I was writing, going on to say he didn’t mean to intrude but was just wondering. I explained myself. He did too, saying he was worried I was writing a suicide note. I laughed. It had never crossed my mind, mingled as my emotions were. He gave me all his reasons to say so, and I understood. Here’s a young (beautiful, hehe) lady sitting alone at a park near a nearly overflowing dam writing on an exam pad. I would have worried too, but I don’t think I w...

Growing up It’s Sunday afternoon, after another busy day at ‘work’. I’m reading another Karen Kingsbury novel at the caravan park overlooking the dam. The peace that this place gives me is one I cannot put down in words. Well it’s not the place per say, but the alone time with my Prince of peace. It’s my new hiding place, my mountain of solitude. So you can imagine the look on my face when I see my dad’s beat-up Isuzu bakkie making the curve towards the gate. The curses of living in a small town. They drive up to where I’m parked and make small talk. My dad, understanding my need for time alone, drives my sisters to the play area. She jumps off and heads for the swings, he slowly follows behind. I smile, realizing how the years are catching up with him. A young white boy decides to join them and dad takes turns pushing them. They squeal with joy and excitement, mixed with a little fear the higher and higher they go. I look on with envy, wishing that I too could forget all my worries...

You waited Like a husband waiting for his adulterous wife, alone in the night, awaiting her return. Harassed and abused by thoughts of what she might be doing and with who. His heart beats with the rhythm of the clock’s hand and he wrestles with the idea of sleep because he knows she’ll return, this is where she calls home. She may find pleasure in other hands and hearts, but only he provides her the place of rest, he is her home. And indeed I did return. But unlike him, you waited not with fists of anger and words of rage, you waited with a loving and forgiving heart. You asked me no questions, you knew I would lie. You didn’t accuse me of anything, my guilt was evident. I had prepared a few words on my way back, excuses and accusations, all exaggerations rooted in rebellion. But they all vanished when I met your eyes. You said nothing, but I could read the pain and hurt you were harbouring in your heart. What could you possibly not give me that I would run out on you and look fo...

These past few days I have not been liking this whole ‘living at home’ business, so to calm me down, I counted my blessings (plus went on a killer shopping-spree). One of the things I’m very grateful for in the time spent back home is the growth in my relationship with my dad. I’m so blessed to be growing up with a father, and one who is so present and active in my daily life. Going to college, our relationship was sinking faster than the Titanic since we couldn’t see eye-to-eye pertaining what I should be studying. But God has restored and revived it since my return, but it didn’t come easy, it took a lot of forgiving. One thing he and me have in common is our talkativeness. Boy do we talk, and about so many things; politics, religion, technology, education, you name it. But one which has a secret place in my heart is his advices on marriage and choosing a life partner. Well at first he announced that none of his girls were going to marry, and for a month he actually made us believe...

Been busy going over our kids camp photos, and every time I saw myself in a picture, I laughed. I am not your conventional pastor. I’m in shorts and takkies, or an overall in the majority of the pictures. You’d never know what I did for a living when you saw me playing netball with the teen girls, or chasing after kids with water balloons. But that’s me. My high school teachers told me I was crazy to waste my brains studying theology when I could literally study in any field I wanted to. Some thought I was wasting my talents seeing that I was good at sports, public speaking, singing and writing, to name a few. I smile to myself from time to time when I find that within following God’s call, none of my talents have gone to waste. I sing my lungs out at church when I lead worship; I public speak almost every day preaching the gospel; I play sports with our youth from time to time; I design wedding invites and event programmes; I write and direct dramas; I write poetry, blogs an...

It is so easy to get caught up in the ‘rush of life’ as you grow up. Currently, my faith task is to buy a car. And after looking at different places for almost two weeks, my dad and I found a Hundai i10 which had the world’s cheapest monthly instalment for a brand you car. So we went ahead and filled all forms and presented all necessary documents. In the end, they approved, but the instalment amount was different, much higher than first stated. And you can imagine what they wanted to charge me for insurance considering that I recently received my licence. So we sat there with my dad, calculating how much everything would cost, how much would be left over for the month if we signed the deal. Then we did what we always do when we both don’t know what to do, we called mom. She was in the middle of a meeting so she gave a rush answer, yes. Quick tip: if you want anything from my mother, call her when she’s in a meeting. My dad and I weren’t happy with the answer she gave us. Then he ...

Hello there! :) I've been so busy and too lazy to write lately, reading instead. I've been working on my own novel for almost a year now and from time to time I loose inspiration, like right now. So I thought I'd share an extract from it and hear what you think. Feel free to share your thoughts. {Be warned, it's lengthy, you can take a seat :)} IT WAS A cold windy night and he just couldn’t get her off his mind, she just wouldn’t leave. They had spent the day together, organizing something at church. They ran around town, shopping and being silly. Then they cooked and baked together. It was a mess. Not the food that is (the kitchen was Mpilo’s playground), but the whole experience. It messed everything up. It aroused all those emotions and brought back all the memories. And now he couldn’t sleep. He counted sheep and winked his last at 01:45. He had dream after dream, her characterizing each of them. In the first they were happily back together again, in the second...

You’ll have to forgive me, I’m still not over the fact that I have my licence, so this post is still on that tip. The last time it rained in Bethal, must have been January or so, I said out loud that it was the last time I got wet on my way to church. I was so mad, my favourite pair of shoes had been ruined in the involuntary shower I took outside. I had forgotten I said this until it rained cats, dogs and horses on Monday afternoon, literally minutes after I signed my temporary drivers licence. I was smiling like a mad woman driving to church as people were bruised and abused by the gigantic rain drops as I sat comfortably in my red Uno named Bruno. If I could stop and advice those running like headless chicken in the crazy weather, I’d say “Speak up, say something” because I’ve learnt something about the power of words. Numbers 14:28 says “ So tell them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Lord, I will do to you the very things I heard you say” This sounds crazy. God says He wo...

While attending our children’s ministry camp this past week, something was said which hit home. We were bonding over the bon-fire with the teens and one married sister of mine said something quiet profound. She mentioned the danger of these ‘friendships-bordering-on-relationships’ between young girls and boys; that it exposes you and your weaknesses to a person who is not bound to you by a covenant. It makes the other person know you so well, which should only be the privilege of your spouse and that even if they were a potential spouse, they will now reconsider seeing that they know your infirmities. Her point was, a person can only know you so much, but some things about you should remain treasures left only for your spouse to excavate. Be it nasty dark things like coal or beautiful pleasures like diamonds. I could relate. You see, at some stage I was also a teenager (though I do not like to admit) and quiet head-strong with my opinions. One was that there was no harm in being c...

I’m the kind of person who is able to do anything I put my mind to, no matter how difficult it may seem. I got through school without failing a grade, got through tertiary without having repeated a subject. (I’m not bragging, keep reading.) So when I decided to start learning how to drive in December of 2012, I thought I’d nail it without much trouble. It had been so easy to get my learners anyway. So I set March as my due date to have a licence. Little did I know that it was time God taught me a little lesson about failure. The first day of my lessons seemed well, but the more we continued, I got frustrated. Yes the driving school I was with was no good, but I was hiding behind that fact. I had now found something I couldn’t do, no matter how hard I tried. After one of my lessons, now in the middle of January, I figured I had two options. Get married to a husband who’ll love me so much as to drive me around everywhere, or one who’ll be rich enough to hire me a driver. Until then,...

I have more to say, but I’ll stop here. Lastly, she is selfless. “She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.” Proverbs 31:20 A selfish girl cannot do this. For her, it’s all about ‘me and mine’ and ‘what will I gain?’. Limited are the blessings of such, for we know that blessed is the hand that gives than that which receives. Again, I love Ruth when it comes to selflessness. She had experienced the pain of losing her husband and was now a foreigner in a land with a people she did not know. In all this, she still looks out for her mother-in-law. When given food, we are told that she ate some, and left some behind for Naomi. “She carried it back to town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gathered. Ruth also brought out and gave her what she had left over after she had eaten enough.” Ruth 2:18 Ruth could have hidden these left-overs, Naomi didn’t know she had them. But she didn’t, she was a sharing person, she always did more than was expected...

Moving on. There is something about a woman who puts her relationship with God first before anything else. I don’t mean those who brag about their godliness on Facebook but never come close to being the things they say. I’m speaking of the bold Esthers’, who are willing to stand in the face of death when it comes to God. The Abigails’ who reverse the wrath of kings. Women who don’t just talk the talk, but walk the walk of faith. Let’s look at Ruth again. “But Ruth replied, ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you say I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” Ruth 1:16 Ruth had the choice of returning home, to her people, to her gods and a chance at marriage. But because she had seen something different about the God of Israel, and chose to associate herself with him, she was willing to pay the price that came with it. It must have been hard watching her sister Orpah leave but she stayed because her des...

Three: she cannot be lazy. I spoke of laziness to use one’s brain in one, now I want to talk about the result of that, laziness to use one’s hands. Now there’s being unexposed to knowledge, then there’s being lazy. There’s being unable, and there’s being lazy. The woman can be in the dark about certain things, needing education and training with a few things, she can even be unable and bad at a few other things, but she cannot be lazy. I do not know which verse to quote for you because Proverbs 31 is scattered with this woman’s hands at work. I’ll take 17. “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” My mother is of the faith that there’s nothing attractive about a lazy person. But thing is, lazy girls aren't lazy with themselves. They will look good, damn good, so good you’d never think of them as the lazy type. It’s easy to detect a person who’s lazy with their brain, just let them open their mouths. Lazy folk, however, are not so easy to pick...

Two: what is she wearing? No, I'm not talking about designer clothes and the latest fashion trends, not that there's anything wrong with a well-dressed woman, a lady must have style. But I'm more concerned with what she has clothed herself with on the inside. "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25  We all dress up to protect ourselves from outside forces which can be harmful, be it UV rays or winter winds. Same thing with our inner being which needs to be clothed in order to face and survive the storms of life. Here is the problem with vague, fickle girls: they run at the first sign of trouble. This is because difficulties withdraw from you, and if you have nothing stored up, they will hit you and leave you dry like a tree in winter. In a wife, you want someone who'll stick with you when your last runs out, and to do that, a girl's gotta be dressed. Not only will a well-dressed woman stick with yo...

Before you get any ideas, I'm not Lesbo. Just taking on a challenge thrown at me. One of my church brothers requested I do a 'my kinda girl' series. So here we go! One: the girl must have a head on her shoulders. "She considers a field and buys it, out of her earnings she plants a vineyard." Proverbs 31:16 When I lived in Joburg, I never could understand what attracted guys to these Barbie doll girls. Beautiful but with a head filled with air. I resolved that it said something about the guy cause I never could keep conversation with the type. So guys, the girl you go for says alot about you. Anyway, let's look at what the Bible says about this noble woman. She considers. To consider is to think about something carefully, especially in order to make a decision. She thinks, studies, investigates before she buys. Now I know I'm shooting myself in the foot by saying this because I don't d...

Last but not least: He’s not afraid to commit. Anyone who is not ready to commit is not worth my time. Why play with my heart like that? “Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem. But if he is not willing, as surely as the Lord lives I will do it. Lie here till morning.” Ruth 3:13 Because Ruth was a widow, she could be redeemed by a kinsman-redeemer, which Boaz was. But Boaz was not the only one, and Ruth didn’t know this. He could have kept it under wraps and went on ahead, but he did not because he was a man of integrity. He wanted to play by the rules. I’m so tired of these boys who only seek ways of bending and breaking the rules, looking for short-cuts into getting what they want. There is something attractive about a man of integrity and standing who is willing to play by God’s rules even if it means he might not get the prize. Biceps and six-packs can never amount to this kind of attractiveness. Anyway, my point here is...

Back to Boaz. So called unrealistic standard #4: The intimacy of his relationship with God will skill him in reading my heart. What makes me admire Boaz' virtues is that he possessed them before entering into relationship with Ruth. We've swapped things around, no wonder our relationships fail to reflect those of the Bible.  "...may you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge." "May I continue ro find favour in your eyes, my lord," she said. "You have given me comfort and have spoken kindly to your servant..." Ruth 2:12,13 Boaz not only saw where she was geographically, but he read where she was spiritually and emotionally. Spiritually, she had forsaken the gods of Moab and taken refuge in the God of Israel. When she said this in Ruth 1:16 it was only Naomi who heard it, and we have no evidence that there was communication between Naomi and Boaz. Boaz must have heard it from the only ot...

Lucky number three is based on another character I love when it comes to matters of the heart, Jacob. The bad boy who had a heart for God. I love the story of how he met his wife Rachel, and how the Bible tells us that he fell in love with her ‘at first sight’. My favourite thing about him is how he works so hard for her. “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” Genesis 29: 20 Seven years. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7. Years. That’s 84 months, 2 555 days. Then a guy calls you for a week and gives up. One says they do pay, that’s what Lobola is for. Yes they pay money, but little pay the patience and perseverance it takes to have a wife. If all I cost you is money, then it’s easy to let go of me, you’ll just make more money. But if I cost you your sweat and blood, it is not an easy decision to make. And as the old English saying goes, easy come easy go. We have so many divorces, so many people quitting and givi...

Alright. Now that you’ve digested that. Let’s move on. But before we do, I want you to understand that I’m not the type that sits and waits for the right guy so I can start living my life. You know the type that idolises marriage and considers it a life-time achievement. I used to be, before I turned 21. I’m all for independency and growth as an individual now. I mean look at Ruth, she didn’t sit in some old house dreaming of weddings and waiting to be saved like a damsel in distress. No, she got out there and made whatever living she could make. When my Boaz comes along, he’ll find me in the field, making it. Now for standard number 2. He’ll protect me. “So Boaz said to Ruth, “My daughter, listen to me. Don’t go and glean in another field and don’t go away from here. Stay here with my servant girls. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you. And whenever you are thirsty, go and get a drink from the water ja...

I'm always accused of having 'unrealistic' standards when it comes to guys. So i thought to share and explain them, and maybe then i wont seem so crazy. Firstly, you have God to blame for these 'beyond reach' standards of mine. I've spent a bit of time studying romantic relationships in the Bible and this is where i picked up principles on love which I've adopted as my own. My favourite character when it comes to this subject is Boaz. Yes he was old, but he was wise too. Words fail to describe the beauty in the manner in which he handled Ruth's heart. "Boaz asked the foreman of his harvesters, 'Whose young woman is that?" Ruth 2:5 Interesting that this is the very first thing Boaz asks about her. Most guys i know would ask her waist size, contact numbers, occupation and so forth. But what mattered to Boaz was who she belonged to above all these other things. I believe if she was said to belong to another man, he would have stepped bac...

I am a woman. No, I am not an after-thought; Not a play-thing to occupy man’s loneliness. I too am made in His image and likeness, I too bless and called to rule and subdue. It was said to me too to fill the earth; And as powerful and capable as my counterpart might be, he cannot do it without me. I am a woman. Yes, I opened the door for the deceiver, I let sin in; But that did not cause God to write me off. He gave me a promise: my seed would crush my enemy’s head; And so I started searching. With every son that broke out of me, I looked on with eager eyes, searching for the one. It is for that reason that I fought bareness with all my might. It is why I stood boldly before anything and anyone that sought to rob me of my redeeming seed. I am a woman. Silently and secretly God worked in and through me. In a time when I was considered no good, He saw the good in me. I am Deborah, I arose as a mother when men slumbered. I a...